So your buddy is getting hitched, and you need to write something in their card. But what? “Congrats” feels lazy. “Wishing you happiness” makes you sound like a greeting card robot. And let’s face it – your friends know you’re funnier than that.
Good news! You don’t have to be a comedy genius to make the happy couple laugh. I’ve spent years collecting the best engagement card jokes that won’t make grandma faint or the in-laws question your friendship. These gems will have everyone chuckling while still saying “aww” at how sweet you are.
Funny Things to Write in Engagement Cards
You’re about to become the engagement card hero nobody knew they needed. These 30 funny messages will make the soon-to-be-married couple laugh out loud and treasure your card forever.
1. “After careful research, I’ve found that married people live longer than single people. They’re not actually living longer – it just FEELS longer.”
This joke plays on the old “marriage is a trap” idea without being mean. It works best for friends with a good sense of humor who won’t take it personally.
The beauty of this line is that it starts off sounding like actual advice before taking an unexpected turn. Follow it up with something sweet to balance out the joke.
2. “Congrats on finding someone who will put up with your weird habits for the rest of your life. That’s true love right there.”
Everyone has quirks! This message acknowledges that finding someone who accepts all your strange habits is the real miracle of love.
Perfect for close friends whose odd behaviors you know well. Add a specific example if you’re close enough: “Like how you eat cereal at midnight while standing up.”
3. “Marriage: The only prison where you get to sleep with your cellmate.”
Short, punchy, and just the right amount of cheeky! This works great for friends who enjoy slightly edgy humor.
Balance this one with a heartfelt line about how happy they look together. The contrast between the joke and sincerity makes both parts more powerful.
4. “I’m so happy you found your perfect match! Now I finally have someone else to blame when you can’t make it to my parties.”
Friends with partners often use them as excuses. This gently pokes fun at that while still celebrating their relationship.
This message works best for friends you’ve known a long time. The shared history makes the joke land better because there’s likely truth to it.
5. “Engagement rings are like handcuffs, but sparkly. Congrats on your stylish incarceration!”
The sparkly handcuffs comparison is silly without being too negative about marriage. It’s lighthearted teasing that most couples will appreciate.
Use this for fashion-conscious friends or someone who was particularly excited about their ring. The joke acknowledges their excitement while keeping things light.
6. “They say marriage is all about compromise. I hope you both like sleeping on the edge of the bed!”
Bed-sharing struggles are so universal that almost everyone can relate. This joke hits on a truth many couples experience.
Great for practical friends who appreciate real-life humor. It’s funny because it highlights an everyday challenge rather than making grand statements about marriage.
7. “Congrats on your engagement! I can’t wait to dance badly at your wedding after having too much free booze.”
This shifts focus from marriage wisdom to wedding fun, which is refreshing. Plus, it gives them something to look forward to: your embarrassing dance moves.
Best used by friends who will definitely be invited to the wedding. The joke creates anticipation for the celebration while keeping things casual and fun.
8. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.”
This card joke is clever without being too cynical. The playing card metaphor works on multiple levels.
Save this one for couples who enjoy wordplay and have secure relationships. The humor lies in the clever construction rather than actually suggesting their relationship will sour.
9. “You two are perfect together. You’re both equally weird, just in compatible ways.”
Calling out their shared weirdness is both funny and sweet. It acknowledges their unique qualities while celebrating how well they fit together.
This message works for any couple with distinctive personalities. The joke flatters them by noticing what makes their relationship special.
10. “Congratulations! You’ve proven that my parents were wrong – my friends CAN find someone willing to marry them.”
Self-deprecating humor shows humility while still congratulating them. It’s a way of making the card about them while keeping your voice in it.
Best for very close friends who know your family or have heard you joke about your parents’ expectations before. The shared context makes it funnier.
11. “Marriage is just texting each other ‘Do we need anything from the store?’ until one of you dies.”
This hilariously accurate observation about married life makes people laugh because it’s so true. It cuts through romantic ideals to highlight everyday reality.
Great for practical couples who already live together. They’ll recognize this pattern in their own relationship and appreciate the honest humor.
12. “Congratulations on finding someone who will help you look for your phone while calling it for the next 50 years.”
Small acts of help define long-term relationships more than grand gestures. This joke captures that truth in a specific, relatable way.
Works well for forgetful friends or tech-dependent couples. The specificity makes it feel personalized even if you’re using a line you found online.
13. “I’m glad you found your special someone. Now you’ll always have someone to kill spiders for you/open tight jars for you.”
This classic division of household labor joke can be customized based on the couple. It’s gentle teasing about relationship expectations.
Tailor this to match their actual dynamics – maybe they’re the spider killer in the relationship! The personalization shows you know them well.
14. “Engaged? Wow! I guess all those personality flaws I’ve been pointing out for years aren’t deal-breakers after all!”
Playfully acknowledging that you’ve teased them before makes this extra funny. It’s a backhanded compliment to their partner’s patience.
Only use this with very close friends who won’t take offense. The joke works because you’re actually celebrating that someone loves all aspects of them.
15. “They say opposites attract. So what horrible personality flaw does your partner have that balances out how amazing you are?”
This compliment disguised as a joke shows affection while still being funny. It flatters both people while maintaining humor.
Great for friends you regularly compliment. The joke lands because it’s clearly not how you actually feel – you think both people are great.
16. “Marriage is finding that special someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Congrats on finding your forever victim!”
The “forever victim” twist makes this stand out from standard marriage jokes. It’s playful without being negative about commitment.
This works for couples who already playfully annoy each other. They’ll recognize their dynamic in the joke and appreciate that you’ve noticed it too.
17. “Congratulations! I’ll start practicing my ‘surprised’ face for when you tell me about the proposal I definitely didn’t help plan.”
If you helped with the proposal, this inside joke acknowledges your role while keeping the card focused on them. It creates a sense of shared history.
Obviously, this only works if you actually helped plan the proposal! The humor comes from the truth behind it and your continued commitment to the “secret.”
18. “You know what they say: marriage is just betting someone half your stuff that you’ll love them forever.”
This economics-of-marriage joke is clever without being too cynical. It presents a truth about legal marriage in a light-hearted way.
Best for financially savvy friends who can laugh about the practical side of marriage. The joke works because it reduces a romantic commitment to a funny bet.
19. “Engaged? That’s awesome! Quick question though – do I still get to be your emergency contact, or am I being replaced?”
Playing up fake jealousy highlights the role transitions that happen with marriage. It’s silly but touches on real friendship dynamics.
This works well for best friends who have been each other’s support system. The joke acknowledges your close bond while accepting their new primary relationship.
20. “Congratulations on your engagement! I’m so happy you found someone who laughs at your jokes, because honestly, I’ve just been faking it.”
Teasing about their sense of humor is friendly ribbing that their partner will probably relate to. It’s a joke that bonds all three of you.
Best for friends whose humor you regularly tease. The backhanded compliment format makes it clear you’re just having fun with them.
21. “Wedding tip: The two most important words for a happy marriage aren’t ‘I do’ – they’re ‘Yes, dear.'”
Old-school marriage advice delivered with a wink is classic card humor. This well-worn joke still gets laughs because there’s some truth to it.
This works for almost any couple, but especially those who have clear “decider” dynamics. The traditional format with a twist makes it accessible humor.
22. “Marriage means always having someone who will tell you when you have food in your teeth. How romantic!”
Highlighting the unglamorous but important parts of having a partner makes this funny and sweet. It’s about real intimacy, not just the picture-perfect moments.
Great for practical couples who value honesty. The joke celebrates finding someone who cares enough to save you from embarrassment.
23. “Engagement is a short period of time when you get to tell people what to buy you. Use this power wisely!”
This puts a funny spin on wedding registries and gift expectations. It’s lighthearted materialism that most couples can laugh about.
Works well for friends who are excited about their registry or who love shopping. The “use this power wisely” adds a superhero twist that keeps it from sounding greedy.
24. “They say true love is about growing old together. Congratulations on finding someone to watch you get wrinkly and forget things!”
Aging together sounds romantic until you spell out the details! This joke is funny because it’s brutally honest about what “forever” really means.
Best for younger couples with a good sense of humor about aging. The contrast between romantic ideals and realistic outcomes creates the comedy.
25. “Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.”
This food analogy is relatable without being mean. It plays on the “grass is greener” idea without suggesting actual regret.
Great for foodie couples who enjoy trying each other’s meals. The comparison is silly enough that it won’t make anyone question their choices.
26. “Congrats! Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
Short, snappy, and pop-culture savvy! This classic one-liner gets laughs without needing explanation. The unexpected comparison creates surprise.
Works for movie buff friends or anyone who appreciates a quick joke. Its brevity makes it perfect for cards where you don’t have much space.
27. “I’m so glad you found someone who accepts your obsession with [their actual hobby/interest]. That’s true love right there.”
Personalizing a joke to include their actual interests shows you know them well. It’s teasing but also celebrates what makes them unique.
Fill in the blank with something specific: video games, sports teams, cat videos, true crime podcasts, etc. The specificity is what makes this funny.
28. “Great news about your engagement! Now when we go out to eat, I can stop pretending I might pay for your meal.”
This playfully suggests you’ve been generous only to help them find a partner. It’s absurd enough that no one will take it seriously.
Best for friends you often split bills with. The joke works because it’s clearly not how friendship actually works – you aren’t stopping restaurant generosity after their engagement.
29. “Marriage: because ‘stalking’ sounds so much worse than ‘I know where my spouse is at all times.'”
This edgy joke highlights how behavior that would be creepy in other contexts becomes normal in marriage. The contrast creates the humor.
Save this for friends with a darker sense of humor who won’t be offended. The joke works because of the uncomfortable truth it points out.
30. “Congratulations! Just think – in 50 years, you’ll have someone who still remembers your name when you forget it.”
This sweet-yet-funny take on aging together ends the list on a heartwarming note. It’s about commitment but with a humorous twist.
Great for any couple planning a long future together. The joke acknowledges mortality and aging while celebrating having a partner through it all.
Wrapping Up
Writing in engagement cards doesn’t have to be boring! A funny message shows you care enough to make them smile during their special time. Pick something that matches their sense of humor, write it with love, and you can’t go wrong.
Don’t stress too much about finding the perfect words. At the end of the day, they’ll be happy you took the time to write anything at all. And if all else fails, just draw a stick figure picture of them getting married. Art speaks louder than words anyway!