So your friend is having a baby. Big deal, right? Actually, yes! It is a big deal, and now you have to pick out a card and write something in it. But what? “Congrats on the baby” feels as boring as plain oatmeal. And let’s be honest – nobody wants to be the person who brings plain oatmeal to a party.
You want to make the parents laugh. You want to stand out from all those other cards with pink and blue teddy bears on them. But you also don’t want to say anything that will get you banned from future family gatherings. It’s a tricky line to walk!
But don’t worry. I’ve got your back with 30 funny messages that will make the new parents chuckle while they’re up at 3 AM with a crying baby, thinking about how sleep is just a distant memory now.
Funny Things to Write in Baby Shower Card
Your baby shower card doesn’t have to be boring. It can be the one that gets passed around the room while everyone giggles. Here are 30 ideas that will make your card the hit of the party.
1. “Congrats! Your nights of uninterrupted sleep are officially over!”
This joke lands because it’s 100% true. New parents quickly learn that sleep becomes a luxury item, like fancy cheese or vacation days. Their baby will have its own schedule, and that schedule rarely includes “let mom and dad sleep for 8 hours straight.”
First-time parents often don’t fully grasp how tired they’ll be, so this message works great for them. Your honesty wrapped in humor will be appreciated later when they realize you weren’t kidding. They might even text you at 3 AM to say, “You were right about the sleep thing!”
2. “Your baby will be cute. We can tell because you used such good looking filters on your ultrasound pics.”
Social media has changed how we share baby news. Parents post ultrasound pictures like they’re vacation photos, often with filters and effects to jazz them up. This joke gently pokes fun at that trend.
The beauty of this message is how it mixes a genuine compliment (their baby will be cute) with a silly joke about modern parenting habits. It works best for friends who are active on social media and have already shared ultrasound images online with various effects and captions.
3. “Experts say babies are expensive. But you can save money by letting them wear the same diaper all day. (Note: Experts do NOT say this.)”
This ridiculous “bad advice” format gets laughs because it’s so obviously wrong. No one would ever think you’re seriously suggesting this money-saving tip. The quick disclaimer at the end adds an extra chuckle.
Perfect for parents with a good sense of humor, especially if they’ve been talking about the costs of raising a child. The absurd suggestion followed by the quick correction creates a funny two-beat joke that lands well in written form on a card.
4. “Can’t wait to meet your tiny human! I’ll be the one bringing noisy toys and sugar, then leaving promptly.”
Everyone knows that aunt, uncle, or friend who riles kids up and then escapes. Now you’re volunteering to be that person! This joke works on multiple levels — it shows excitement about meeting the baby while also playfully threatening to be a bit of a menace.
Use this message if you’re close enough to the parents that they know you’re joking. The contrast between the sweet first sentence and the mischievous second one creates perfect comic timing on the page. They’ll laugh now and again years later when you actually do this.
5. “Congratulations! Your body made a body! That’s some sci-fi level stuff right there.”
Having a baby is miraculous but we rarely stop to think about how wild it actually is. This message points out the amazing fact that a person grew another entire person inside them. It’s funny because it states the obvious in a way people don’t usually think about.
This works especially well for science-loving parents or those who appreciate a bit of wonder mixed with their humor. The casual tone of “sci-fi level stuff” adds to the charm by understating something truly remarkable.
6. “Parenthood tip: Baby poop comes in colors you never knew existed. Consider this your warning.”
New parents are never prepared for the rainbow of colors that will appear in their baby’s diaper. This heads-up is both helpful and hilarious because it’s absolutely true but rarely discussed at fancy baby showers with cute cupcakes.
The contrast between the polite setting of a baby shower and this graphic reality creates the perfect comedy setup. It works best for parents who aren’t squeamish and appreciate straight talk about the less glamorous sides of baby care.
7. “I’m so happy for you! Your baby has no idea what a cool mom/dad they’re getting.”
This message celebrates the parents while acknowledging the funny truth that babies have zero concept of how lucky they are. They don’t know if their parents are cool, uncool, or somewhere in between. The baby is basically getting awesome parents without even asking.
The contrast of addressing the oblivious baby as if they should be grateful creates the humor. This works especially well for parents who have unique hobbies, great taste in music, or other “cool” attributes that will be completely lost on their infant.
8. “Welcome to parenthood, where you’ll develop super powers like functioning on no sleep and smelling poop from across the house.”
Parents do develop almost supernatural abilities. This message is funny because it reframes hard things (exhaustion, dealing with dirty diapers) as special powers, like they’re joining the X-Men instead of just being really tired people who can detect poop smells.
This is perfect for parents who like superhero movies or who have talked about their concerns about handling these challenges. The joke acknowledges the difficulties while suggesting they’ll rise to meet them in spectacular fashion.
9. “Your baby’s first words will probably be ‘mama’ or ‘dada,’ but I’m working on teaching them to say ‘my parent’s friend is awesome.'”
This plays on the excitement parents feel about baby milestones while making it about you in a silly way. Nobody believes you’ll actually try to teach their baby this phrase (though you might!), which is why it’s funny.
The mild self-centeredness of trying to make someone else’s baby milestone about you creates the comedy. This works best when coming from a close friend who the parents know is genuinely excited about their baby.
10. “Congrats! Just think — in about 13 years, they’ll be rolling their eyes at everything you say. Can’t wait!”
This fast-forwards through the cute baby phase to the less cute teenage phase. Parents of newborns rarely think ahead to the eye-rolling years, so this unexpected time jump creates surprise, which is key to humor.
This message works well for parents who have a good sense of humor about the full journey of parenthood. The “Can’t wait!” at the end adds extra comedy because obviously no one is eager for the attitude phase.
11. “Warning: Babies don’t come with a mute button or an off switch. I checked the manual.”
The idea of a baby having buttons like a device gets laughs because we’re so used to controlling our technology. But babies? Completely uncontrollable! The added detail about checking a nonexistent manual adds an extra layer of silliness.
Parents who work in tech or who love gadgets will especially appreciate this joke. It also works well for parents who have expressed anxiety about handling a crying baby, as it acknowledges the challenge while making light of it.
12. “Congrats on creating a tiny person who will someday ask to borrow your car.”
Like the teenage joke earlier, this one jumps ahead in time for comic effect. The contrast between the helpless newborn they’re currently expecting and the future teenager asking for car keys creates a funny mental image.
The message works because it connects two vastly different stages of parenting in one sentence. Use this with parents who have a nice car they’re particularly proud of, or who have mentioned concerns about their future teenager years.
13. “Your house will soon be filled with plastic toys that sing annoying songs. But don’t worry, the batteries eventually die.”
Parents-to-be often picture cute stuffed animals, not realizing their home will soon be overtaken by bright plastic toys that play the same songs over and over. This joke tells the truth while offering a glimmer of hope – those batteries will die someday!
The message works especially well for minimalist parents or those with stylish homes who haven’t yet realized how baby stuff will change their space. The “but don’t worry” creates perfect comedy timing as it offers a solution that’s really just delayed relief.
14. “Excited for you to join the ‘showing strangers pictures of my kid’ club. We meet everywhere, all the time.”
This pokes fun at how parents love showing off pictures of their children to anyone who will look. The joke works because new parents don’t realize they’re about to become that person who pulls out phone photos at every opportunity.
The format of describing it as an actual club with meetings adds to the humor. This message is perfect for friends who’ve previously rolled their eyes at other parents doing this very thing, as it predicts their inevitable transformation.
15. “Good luck finding where that weird smell is coming from for the next five years.”
The mysterious smells of parenthood are rarely mentioned at baby showers, making this message stand out. It’s funny because it’s unexpected yet totally accurate – parents spend years tracking down strange odors from spilled milk to hidden dirty diapers.
This message lands best with parents who have a good sense of humor about the less glamorous aspects of raising kids. The specific timeframe of “five years” adds comedy because it suggests an exact, scientific duration for this smelly period.
16. “Studies show babies who cry a lot become successful adults. I just made that up, but it might help you at 2 AM.”
This fake “scientific fact” acknowledges how parents cling to any information that helps them feel better during tough moments. The immediate admission that you made it up creates a perfect comic beat and shows you’re just trying to be helpful.
The reference to 2 AM specifically targets those middle-of-the-night moments when parents are desperate for reassurance. This works well for analytical parents who like data and research – they’ll appreciate both the joke and the sentiment behind it.
17. “Congrats! Now you’ll finally understand all those parent memes you’ve been pretending to relate to.”
Social media is filled with parenting memes that only make sense once you’ve lived the experience. This message acknowledges how non-parents often don’t really get these jokes but nod along anyway.
This works especially well for friends who are active on social media. The light teasing about “pretending to relate” creates a friendly jab while welcoming them to the inside-joke world of parent humor they’ll soon fully understand.
18. “Your baby has chosen experts in the field to be their parents. And by experts, I mean complete beginners who will figure it out as they go.”
This starts with what sounds like a compliment, then takes a turn to acknowledge that most new parents have no idea what they’re doing. The contradiction creates immediate humor while still being encouraging.
The message works well for perfectionist parents or those who’ve expressed anxiety about their parenting abilities. It validates their concerns while reassuring them that being clueless is the normal starting point for all parents.
19. “Pro tip: Babies can smell fear. And milk. But mostly fear.”
This plays on the idea that animals can sense fear, applying it absurdly to babies. The addition of milk as something babies can detect is factually accurate, which makes the joke about fear seem almost plausible for a second.
This message works especially well for anxious first-time parents. The mock-serious “pro tip” format followed by the silly advice creates a perfect little comedy package that might actually help ease their nerves.
20. “Nobody tells you this, but the sound of your baby laughing will make up for all the poop. Most of the poop, anyway.”
This balances a genuinely sweet observation with humor. It acknowledges the less pleasant aspects of baby care while offering the real comfort that the joyful moments do help balance things out – well, mostly.
The qualifier “most of the poop” at the end creates the perfect comic beat. This message works well for anyone, but especially for parents who have expressed concerns about handling the messier aspects of baby care.
21. “Congrats on making a tiny human who will one day tell you that you’re embarrassing them by existing.”
This fast-forwards to the teenage years again for comic effect. The specific detail about being embarrassed “by existing” is what makes this funny – it’s such a perfect description of how teenagers often view their parents.
This humorous time jump works well because it contrasts so strongly with the adorable baby phase they’re currently celebrating. It’s best for parents who can laugh about the full journey of parenthood, including the less cuddly phases.
22. “Your baby will inherit either your best qualities or your most annoying habits. There is no in-between.”
This message plays on the anxieties and hopes parents have about which traits their children will inherit. The dramatic “no in-between” creates humor by suggesting this complex genetic process works in such black-and-white terms.
Perfect for parents who’ve joked about passing on specific quirks or talents. The fake certainty about something that’s actually completely unpredictable creates a knowing laugh between you and the parents about the mysteries of genetics.
23. “I got you a gift card so you can buy what you actually need, not what I thought looked cute at the store.”
This message is refreshingly honest about gift-giving. It acknowledges that many baby gifts are chosen because they’re adorable rather than practical, and that parents often end up with things they don’t need.
The self-awareness makes this funny – you’re admitting you almost fell into the trap of buying something useless but cute. This works best when actually accompanied by a gift card, of course!
24. “Parenting is easy. Said no one ever who had an actual child.”
The setup/punchline format of this message creates perfect comic timing. It starts with what sounds like terrible advice, then immediately clarifies that you’re joking. The phrase “said no one ever” is familiar enough that parents will get the joke immediately.
This message works for any new parents, but especially those who might be feeling nervous about their abilities. It acknowledges the challenge ahead while using humor to suggest they’re not alone in finding it difficult.
25. “Looking forward to spoiling your kid and then giving them back to you when they start crying.”
This classic aunt/uncle/friend joke never gets old because it’s so true. The honesty about how non-parents get to enjoy the fun parts of children without the responsibilities creates instant recognition and laughs.
The straightforward admission of your future behavior is what makes this funny. It works best coming from someone the parents know will actually be involved in the child’s life, as it playfully establishes the role you plan to take in their family dynamic.
26. “May your coffee be strong and your baby’s naps be long.”
This blessing-style message speaks directly to what new parents really need: caffeine and breaks. The parallel structure gives it a formal, almost prayer-like quality that makes the mundane wishes seem more grand and funny.
The message works because it cuts through typical baby shower sentiments to address the daily survival needs of new parents. Best for coffee-loving parents who have joked about how they’ll cope with sleep deprivation.
27. “Your child will keep you humble. Nothing says ‘I’m not as cool as I thought’ like being outwitted by a toddler.”
This message looks ahead to the toddler years when children develop the uncanny ability to outsmart their parents. The humor comes from the truth – many parents are surprised when their little ones start outmaneuvering them.
This works well for parents who pride themselves on being clever or who have professional roles requiring intelligence. The gentle warning that they’ll meet their match in their own child creates a funny reality check.
28. “Welcome to the club where people congratulate you for getting your kid to eat vegetables.”
This message highlights how parenthood changes what counts as an achievement. The idea that something as simple as vegetable consumption becomes celebration-worthy creates humor through contrast with adult accomplishments.
Perfect for foodie parents or those who’ve expressed ideas about how their child will eat “everything.” The subtle warning about future food battles wrapped in club-welcome language creates a knowing laugh between parents and soon-to-be parents.
29. “Your baby has selected you for the position of Parent. The hours are terrible, the pay is nonexistent, but the benefits are pretty amazing.”
Framing parenthood as a job offer creates an immediately recognizable format that’s perfect for humor. The contrast between the terrible conditions and the wonderful “benefits” captures parenthood’s contradictions perfectly.
This message works especially well for parents leaving or pausing professional careers to raise children. The job description format provides a funny way to think about the transition they’re making from one type of work to another.
30. “Congrats on creating someone who will need therapy because of you someday. We all do!”
This message is hilariously honest about the universal truth that parents inevitably mess up their kids in some way. The quick addition of “We all do!” softens it by noting this is just part of being human.
This works best for parents with a dark sense of humor who can laugh about the imperfections of family life. The message acknowledges parental anxiety about doing things wrong while reassuring them this is completely normal.
Wrapping Up
Writing a funny baby shower card doesn’t have to make your brain hurt. Pick a message that matches your friendship with the parents-to-be. If they laugh at poop jokes, go for those. If they like clever wordplay, choose something more subtle.
The best part about giving a card that makes new parents laugh? They’ll need that laugh in the coming months. Your silly message might be just what they read at 4 AM while feeding their baby, giving them a smile when they really need one. And that’s worth way more than another pack of onesies.