So your friend is getting hitched and you need to write something in their wedding card. The blank space stares at you. Your pen hovers. Your brain freezes. “Congratulations” feels too boring. But jokes about “the ball and chain” might get you uninvited to future parties. What to do?
Don’t panic! I’ve got your back with some funny messages that will make the happy couple laugh without making anyone cry (except maybe from laughing too hard). These messages hit the sweet spot between “aww” and “ha-ha” – just like marriage itself tries to do.
Funny Things to Write in a Wedding Card
Ready to make the newlyweds giggle when they open your card? Here are 30 funny messages that show you care enough to be clever but not so clever that you’ll ruin their special day.
1. “Marriage: The only prison where you get to sleep with your cell mate.”
This joke plays on the old “ball and chain” idea but makes it funny for both people. It works best for couples who already joke about marriage being a big commitment.
Use this one when you know the couple has a good sense of humor about traditional marriage jokes. They’ll appreciate that you’ve updated the classic joke to be funny without being mean.
2. “Congrats on finding the one person whose weirdness matches yours perfectly!”
This celebrates what makes their relationship special – finding someone who gets their unique quirks. Most couples have inside jokes about their strange habits.
Perfect for close friends whose oddities you know well. Bonus points if you add a specific weird thing they both do, like “May you both enjoy watching cat videos at 3 AM for many years to come!”
3. “I give it six months… before you start stealing each other’s fries and wearing each other’s clothes.”
The fake-out start makes this one fun! It seems like you’re being negative but then turns sweet. People laugh at the surprise twist.
Best for friends who can take a joke with a little shock value. This works especially well if one person in the couple is already known for “borrowing” the other’s stuff.
4. “Now you’ll have a witness to all your weird bathroom habits. Good luck with that!”
Living together means no more secrets! This joke recognizes the less glamorous side of marriage that most wedding cards ignore.
Save this for your closest friends who won’t be offended. It’s perfect if the couple hasn’t lived together before marriage and are about to learn all kinds of new things about each other.
5. “Marriage tip: Say ‘yes, dear’ often and ‘is that what you’re wearing?’ never.”
Everyone loves practical advice! This combines a real marriage tip with humor about common relationship mistakes. The contrast makes it funny.
Great for any couple, but especially good for those who have shown signs of playful bickering. They’ll laugh because they can already see these situations coming.
6. “Congratulations on your wedding! May your marriage be as strong as your WiFi password.”
In today’s world, a strong WiFi password is serious business! This updates traditional wedding wishes for the digital age with a modern twist.
This joke lands best with tech-savvy couples. If they’re the type to have complicated passwords or fight over internet bandwidth, they’ll get an extra laugh from this one.
7. “I’ll drink to your marriage! I’ll also drink to Tuesday, cats, and shiny objects, but today it’s all about you two!”
This pokes fun at wedding toasts while still celebrating the couple. Self-deprecating humor makes you look funny without making the couple the butt of the joke.
Best for weddings where you know there will be drinking. It works especially well if you have a reputation as someone who enjoys a good party.
8. “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
Short and sweet with a punch! This takes the common “walk in the park” saying and gives it an unexpected twist that hints at the adventures ahead.
This works for almost any couple, but especially those who like movies or have a sense of drama. The joke acknowledges that marriage has its scary moments but is still an adventure worth taking.
9. “Thanks for the free food and booze. Oh, and congrats on getting married too!”
This joke pretends to get the priorities wrong in a way that everyone secretly relates to. Wedding guests often look forward to the reception as much as the ceremony!
Save this one for very close friends with good humor. It works best if the couple has put special effort into planning their reception menu or bar selection.
10. “Your wedding was so beautiful that it almost made me want to get married. Almost.”
This compliments their wedding while playing with the idea that marriage isn’t for everyone. It’s funny because it makes you the punchline instead of them.
Perfect if you’re single with no marriage plans, especially if that’s a running joke among your friends. The couple will appreciate the compliment about their beautiful day hidden in the joke.
11. “May your marriage be like good WiFi: strong, reliable, and connecting you to the important stuff.”
Technology metaphors work great for modern couples! This one sneaks in an actually sweet wish while keeping things light and relevant to today’s connected lives.
Use this for couples who both spend a lot of time online. It’s especially funny if they’ve ever fought over slow internet or have different opinions about screen time.
12. “Marriage: Because your weird hobbies needed another witness.”
Everyone has strange interests their partner has to put up with. This joke celebrates how marriage means having someone who accepts your quirks, no matter how odd.
Best used when you know at least one specific weird hobby of the couple. Even better if you can add something like, “Bob’s sock puppet collection is in good hands now!”
13. “I was going to buy you something expensive, but I figured my presence at your wedding was gift enough!”
This playfully mocks your own importance while still being self-deprecating. The joke is on you, not them, which keeps it friendly.
Works well if you’ve traveled far to attend or if you have a joking relationship where you pretend to be full of yourself. Make sure to include a real gift if you use this one!
14. “Now you can annoy each other for the rest of your lives! What a beautiful thing.”
This acknowledges that even the best relationships involve getting on each other’s nerves sometimes. The contrast between “annoy” and “beautiful” creates the humor.
Good for couples who already tease each other lovingly. If they’re known for playful banter or having opposite habits (neat-freak vs. messy, early bird vs. night owl), this hits perfectly.
15. “Great job finding someone who will put up with your singing in the shower for the next 50 years!”
Personal jokes about specific habits work great because they show you know the couple well. Everyone has something their partner tolerates out of love.
Choose this if you know a specific quirk about one person that the other person endures. Substitute singing for any habit you know about – snoring, bad jokes, reality TV obsession, etc.
16. “They say marriage is a lot like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.”
This longer joke plays on the “grass is always greener” idea in a relatable way. Everyone understands food envy! It gently pokes fun at human nature without being mean.
Great for foodie couples or those who can never decide where to eat. The joke lands especially well if they’re known for stealing bites from each other’s plates at restaurants.
17. “Research shows married people live longer. Probably because they’re afraid to die and leave their spouse with all their stuff!”
This joke starts with a real fact and then gives it a funny twist. It plays on how marriage means sharing everything – even after death!
Works well for couples who have joked about their possessions or have very different styles. Especially funny if they’ve already had “discussions” about whose furniture to keep.
18. “I came for the cake. The whole marriage thing was a bonus.”
Simple but effective! This joke pretends to miss the point of the wedding in a way that’s obviously silly. Cake is important, but we all know why we’re really there.
Perfect for any wedding, but especially ones with fancy or unusual cakes. If the couple put special thought into their cake selection, this gives a nod to that effort while being funny.
19. “Welcome to married life, where ‘I’m fine’ means anything but fine, and ‘do whatever you want’ is definitely a trap.”
This joke pokes fun at communication challenges in relationships. It’s funny because it’s true, and both partners can laugh at these universal relationship dynamics.
Good for any couple, but especially those who’ve been together long enough to have experienced these communication quirks. They’ll laugh because they’ve already lived it.
20. “Statistically, people who have more birthdays live longer. I think the same applies to anniversaries. Just trying to help!”
This silly logic pretends to offer helpful advice while really just stating the obvious. The pseudo-scientific tone makes it funnier.
Works for any couple, but especially good for those who appreciate dad jokes or work in scientific fields. The fake helpfulness adds to the humor.
21. “Marriage means having a built-in audience for all your jokes. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.”
This celebrates how partners become each other’s most reliable audience. The twist at the end acknowledges how love means laughing at your partner’s jokes even when they’re terrible.
Perfect for couples where one or both people think they’re funnier than they actually are. If one partner has a reputation for bad dad jokes or puns, this will hit home.
22. “You two are perfect for each other. You’re both weird, but your weirdness matches perfectly!”
Finding someone whose strangeness complements yours is what love is all about! This celebrates their unique bond without being overly mushy.
Works best for quirky couples who embrace their oddities. If they met through an unusual hobby or bonded over something strange, this acknowledges their special connection.
23. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!”
This playing card metaphor starts sweet and takes a funny turn. The joke works on multiple levels with the card suits creating a clever wordplay.
Best for couples who play cards, enjoy word games, or appreciate clever puns. The joke sounds a bit dark but is so clearly exaggerated that it stays firmly in the funny zone.
24. “Thanks for inviting me to eat your food and drink your booze. The ceremony was a nice appetizer!”
Similar to the earlier reception joke but with a food metaphor twist. This playfully pretends to mix up the priorities of the wedding day.
Works well for weddings with exceptional food or couples known for their hospitality. If they put special effort into the menu or are foodies, this acknowledges their taste while being funny.
25. “Marriage: Because ‘I booked a table for two’ sounds better than ‘table for one, please.'”
This joke plays on the social benefits of marriage in a light way. It’s a little self-deprecating about single life without being negative.
Good for any couple, but especially those who enjoy dining out together. It celebrates the simple pleasure of always having a dinner companion without getting too sentimental.
26. “I wish you both so much joy that you always finish each other’s… sandwiches!”
This plays on the romantic idea of finishing each other’s sentences but gives it a funny food twist. It’s cute, playful, and a bit silly.
Works great for couples who use a lot of inside jokes or actually do finish each other’s sentences. The unexpectedness of “sandwiches” instead of “sentences” creates the laugh.
27. “May your marriage be like good cheese and wine – growing stronger and better with age, and best enjoyed with crackers.”
Food metaphors make great wedding wishes! This one starts sincere and adds a funny twist at the end with the crackers reference.
Perfect for foodies, wine lovers, or couples who enjoy hosting cheese and wine nights. The joke acknowledges that even the best marriages need some “crackers” (friends, fun, silliness) to be complete.
28. “The best thing about marriage is that any fight ends with both of you still on the same team. And the same Netflix account.”
This starts with genuine wisdom and ends with a modern punchline. It acknowledges both the emotional and practical benefits of marriage.
Great for couples who bond over TV shows or have strong opinions about sharing streaming accounts. The joke lands best with couples who’ve already had the “what should we watch tonight?” debate.
29. “Marriage is grand, but divorce is at least a hundred grand. Choose wisely! (Just kidding, you already did!)”
This joke seems to go dark but then pulls back with reassurance. The fake-out makes it funny, and the quick recovery keeps it appropriate.
Save this one only for couples with an excellent sense of humor who won’t be sensitive about divorce jokes. Best for long-term couples who are very secure in their relationship.
30. “May your marriage be filled with all the right ingredients: love, laughter, and wine. Lots and lots of wine.”
This final wish starts sweet and takes a funny turn. The repetition of “lots” emphasizes the joke without making it seem like they’ll need alcohol to survive marriage.
Works well for any couple, but especially wine lovers or those who enjoy a good drink. The joke suggests that while love and laughter are important, a little wine helps too!
Wrapping Up
Writing in wedding cards doesn’t have to give you writer’s block! A touch of humor shows you care enough to be personal while keeping things light for the big day. Pick the joke that matches the couple’s sense of humor – what makes your gym buddy laugh might not work for your boss.
The best wedding card messages mix funny with sweet. So after you make them laugh, add a genuine line about how happy you are for them. Because jokes are great, but at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to say, “I’m really glad you found each other.”