You walk up to that fancy table. The one with the pen that costs more than your lunch. A book sits open, half-filled with perfect handwriting from people who seem to have practiced just for this moment. Your turn now. Panic sets in. What do you write? “Thanks for having us”? Boring! “Great party”? Yawn!
Stop right there, friend. Guest books don’t have to be stuffy old things filled with the same tired lines. They can be your chance to shine! To make the hosts laugh days later! To be that guest everyone talks about (in a good way)!
Funny Things to Write in a Guest Book
Here are 30 ways to leave your mark without leaving a bad taste. Each one works like a charm in different situations. Pick one that matches your funny bone and the event’s mood.
1. “I came for the free food. I stayed because you hid my shoes.”
This works great at house parties where everyone takes their shoes off at the door. Your hosts will crack up knowing you noticed how comfy they made you feel.
Many hosts worry if guests are having fun, so this little joke tells them you enjoyed yourself so much you couldn’t leave. Perfect for casual gatherings where the mood is already light and fun.
2. “Your bathroom soap smells so good I put some in my pocket. Sorry.”
Almost everyone secretly judges bathroom products at other people’s homes. This funny line admits what we all think but never say.
Use this at friends’ homes or family gatherings where a little bathroom humor won’t raise eyebrows. The hosts will laugh and might even offer you a spare soap to actually take home!
3. “I was just looking for the bathroom. How did I end up signing this?”
Perfect for big events where you might actually get lost! This joke makes it seem like the guest book caught you by surprise.
Your confusion adds a funny touch that stands out among all the serious “congratulations” and “best wishes.” Works best at weddings and large venues where getting lost is totally possible.
4. “Your cat told me all your secrets. We need to talk.”
Cat owners know their pets witness everything. This joke plays on the idea that their cat has been spying and reporting back.
For pet owners only! This line gets extra laughs if their cat was hiding the whole time you visited. The mental image of you and their cat having a gossip session will make them smile every time they read it.
5. “Found $20 under the couch. Thanks for dinner!”
This cheeky note suggests you did some snooping but in a silly way. Nobody actually believes you found money.
Great for close friends who know your sense of humor. The joke works because it’s so obviously fake – unless you actually leave a $20 bill tucked in the guest book, which would be an amazing prank!
6. “You have great taste in friends. Just saying.”
This compliments the hosts while being hilariously self-centered. The joke is you’re praising yourself.
Works in any guest book situation because it’s just the right amount of cheeky without being rude. It says both “thanks for including me” and “I think I’m awesome” in one funny package.
7. “This is the nicest prison I’ve ever been held in.”
Implying you were “forced” to attend but actually had a great time makes this joke work. The contrast creates the humor.
Best for overnight stays or long events where you spent significant time at their place. The joke lands because everyone knows you could have left if you wanted to – but you enjoyed yourself too much.
8. “I’ll be back when you’re not home to check if your fridge has better snacks then.”
This plays on the idea that hosts put out their best food for guests, but might be hiding the good stuff. It’s funny because it’s slightly mischievous.
Use this with good friends who won’t actually worry about you breaking in! This joke works best when there was already plenty of great food at the event.
9. “Your Wi-Fi password was harder to crack than your safe.”
This joke suggests you did something bad (hacking their Wi-Fi and safe) while being so absurd no one takes it seriously. The humor comes from the fake “confession.”
Great for tech-savvy friends or if you actually had to ask for the Wi-Fi password during your visit. Extra funny if they never gave you the password and you’re implying you figured it out anyway.
10. “If the police ask, I was here from 7-9 pm. Thanks for understanding.”
Creating a fake alibi is funny because it’s so unexpected in a guest book. The joke suggests a wild storyline that doesn’t exist.
Best saved for close friends with a dark sense of humor. The contrast between the formal guest book and the suggestion of criminal activity creates a laugh when they read it later.
11. “I didn’t want to come. My mom made me. I’m 45.”
Playing on the idea of being forced to attend events as a child makes this funny, especially with the age reveal at the end. The surprise creates the humor.
This works great at family events or friend gatherings where people know you well enough to get the joke. It’s extra funny if you seemed to have a great time despite the fake complaint.
12. “Your dog and I have agreed: more treats needed ASAP.”
Pet owners know their animals always want more treats. Pretending to form an alliance with their pet adds a silly conspiratorial tone.
Use this if you bonded with their dog during your visit. The mental image of you and their pet plotting together will make them smile each time they see it in their guest book.
13. “Left a small dent in your wall. You’ll find it eventually.”
The panic this momentarily causes is what makes it funny – before they realize it’s a joke. Nobody would actually admit to damage in a guest book.
Save this for hosts with a good sense of humor who won’t actually spend hours looking for wall damage! Works best after events where nothing went wrong, creating funny contrast.
14. “Thanks for having us. We didn’t take anything. Check if you want.”
Suggesting you might have stolen something when you obviously didn’t creates unexpected humor in the formal guest book setting. It’s the fake defensiveness that makes people laugh.
Good for close friends and family who know you well. The joke works because it’s so out of character and unexpected – exactly what makes guest book entries memorable.
15. “Five stars! Would visit again! Bathrooms very clean!”
Rating someone’s home like an online review brings internet culture into the traditional guest book. The format switch creates the funny surprise.
This works at any event, especially if you actually used the bathroom. Bonus points if you add specific details like “excellent toilet paper selection” or “soap smelled amazing, what brand is it?”
16. “I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.”
Taking an annoying spam call/email format and putting it in a guest book creates unexpected humor through format contrast. Everyone hates these messages.
This works best at car-related events (like housewarming parties where they have a new garage) or with friends who have recently bought a car. The shared experience of hating these spam messages makes it universally funny.
17. “Your house is so clean! What bodies are buried in the basement?”
The shocking twist from compliment to dark joke creates unexpected humor. Nobody actually thinks there are bodies – that’s what makes it funny.
Save this for friends with a dark sense of humor. It works best in very neat, pristine homes where the contrast between the perfect space and the dark joke creates a bigger laugh.
18. “We replaced one of your family photos with a picture of Nicolas Cage. Good luck finding it.”
Creating a fake mission impossible scenario makes this funny, especially since nobody would actually do this. The humor comes from the absurd mental image.
Best for movie buffs or meme-loving friends who would get the Nicolas Cage reference. Works great at homes with lots of family photos where the joke seems almost plausible.
19. “I told your Alexa to order 50 pizzas while you were in the bathroom. Enjoy!”
Smart home jokes work because they play on real fears in a silly way. Nobody believes you actually did this, which makes it safe to laugh about.
Perfect for tech-savvy homes with voice assistants. The more smart devices they have, the funnier this joke becomes. Extra points if Alexa actually interrupted the gathering at some point!
20. “Borrowed your identity for the weekend. Will return slightly used.”
Identity theft jokes work because they’re so obviously fake – no thief would leave evidence in a guest book! The absurdity creates the humor.
Best for close friends who know your sense of humor. Works especially well if you and the host look somewhat alike, adding another layer to the identity “borrowing” joke.
21. “The voices in my head really enjoyed your party too.”
Playing on having multiple personalities in a clearly joking way creates unexpected humor in the formal guest book setting. Everyone knows it’s not serious.
This joke works at any event but especially parties where you might not have talked much. It explains your quietness in a funny way while still complimenting their gathering.
22. “Your neighbor across the street has binoculars. Just FYI.”
Creating a fake suspicious scenario makes this funny because it’s so unexpected in a guest book. Nobody thinks you actually spotted a peeping tom.
Use this in homes with big windows or nice views where the joke seems plausible. The humor comes from the fake “helpful warning” that creates a brief moment of “wait, really?” before they realize it’s a joke.
23. “Found the key to your diary. Your secrets are safe with me. Maybe.”
Diary jokes work because they create fake drama. Nobody thinks you actually found their private thoughts – that’s what makes it silly instead of creepy.
Best for very close friends or siblings who might have actually kept diaries growing up. The shared history makes the joke land better, especially if you never were the type to snoop.
24. “Your goldfish told me it wants a bigger bowl. And a friend named Steve.”
Giving opinions to pets that can’t talk creates automatic humor. The specific request for a friend “named Steve” adds extra absurdity.
Perfect for homes with fish or small pets that can’t actually communicate. The more specific and random the “request” from the pet, the funnier this joke becomes to the hosts.
25. “Tested your smoke alarms at 3 AM. You’re welcome. PS: They work.”
Creating a scenario that would be absolutely terrible if true makes this funny because it’s so obviously a joke. No guest would actually do this.
Works best for overnight stays where you obviously didn’t wake everyone up testing alarms. The contrast between being a helpful guest and a terrible one creates the humor.
26. “Didn’t break anything this time! Progress!”
Suggesting a problematic history that doesn’t exist creates unexpected humor. The joke implies you’re usually destructive when everyone knows you’re not.
This works well for first-time visits or for very careful guests who obviously wouldn’t break anything. The contrast between the fake “wild” you and the real careful you creates the laugh.
27. “Your secret room behind the bookshelf needs dusting.”
Creating fake hidden features in someone’s home is funny because it’s so unexpected. Everyone momentarily wonders “wait, do I have a secret room?”
Best for book lovers or homes with actual bookshelves where the joke seems almost plausible. The brief moment of “do we actually have that?” before realizing it’s silly creates the perfect laugh.
28. “Thanks for the party! BTW, your plants are plotting against you. The ficus is their leader.”
Giving sinister motives to innocent houseplants creates absurd humor. Plants can’t plot – that’s what makes it funny.
Perfect for homes with lots of plants. The more specific you get about which plant is the ringleader, the funnier it becomes, especially if you pick one that actually looks a bit mischievous.
29. “Tried on all your clothes while you were out. None fit. Very disappointing.”
Confessing to something inappropriate that you clearly didn’t do creates the humor. It’s funny because it’s so obviously false.
Save this for close friends who won’t actually check their closets! Works best when you and the host have visibly different body types, making the joke even more absurd.
30. “Your wifi is faster than mine. Moving in next Tuesday.”
This joke works by taking a compliment too far with an absurd conclusion. Nobody thinks you’re actually planning to move in.
Great for any home where you used the wifi. It’s a compliment about their internet speed wrapped in a silly joke about taking advantage of it permanently. Works especially well if you made a point of asking for the wifi password during your visit.
Wrapping Up
Guest books don’t need to be boring lists of “thanks” and “great party” comments that nobody reads again. Your funny note might be just what the hosts need after a stressful event – a good laugh when they finally sit down to look through the memories.
Pick the joke that matches both your style and your relationship with the hosts. The best guest book entries make people smile right away AND years later when they dust off that book and flip through it again. Be that guest they talk about for all the right reasons!