Life has a way of knocking us down sometimes. One day you’re fine, and the next day you’re stuck in bed with a runny nose or a broken leg. That’s when friends step in with soup, bad TV shows, and get well cards. But what do you write in those cards? “Get well soon” feels so boring. Like telling someone to “have a nice day” or “drive safe.” Yawn.
Let’s face it – being sick stinks. Your friend already knows that. Why not make them laugh instead? A funny message can lift their spirits way more than another sad-face emoji. Plus, it shows you care enough to put in some effort. And who doesn’t want to be the friend who made someone smile during a tough time?
Funny Things to Write in a Get Well Card
Need some laughs for your sick buddy? Here are 30 funny messages to write in get well cards. Pick one that fits their sense of humor and the situation. Your friend will thank you for the giggle break from all that coughing and moaning.
1. Hospital Food Joke
“I heard the hospital food is awful. Want me to smuggle in some real food? I make great grilled cheese. Text me your order and I’ll be your food spy.”
Food jokes always hit right when someone’s stuck eating bland meals. This works best for hospital stays when your friend is tired of mystery meat and Jell-O cups. You could even follow through and bring them actual good food!
2. Sick Day Perks
“Look on the bright side – you don’t have to go to work, can watch TV all day, and nobody judges you for wearing the same pajamas three days in a row. That’s what I call winning!”
This message points out the tiny silver linings of being sick. It’s perfect for a friend with a good outlook who needs a boost. The joke lands because we all secretly enjoy certain parts of sick days, even while feeling awful.
3. Doctor Pickup Lines
“Have you tried flirting with the doctors? I suggest: ‘Are you a cardiac specialist? Because you just made my heart skip a beat.’ Let me know if it works!”
Silly pickup lines add humor to an otherwise boring hospital stay. This works great for single friends with a playful personality. The joke pokes fun at cheesy pickup lines while giving your friend something to laugh about during doctor visits.
4. Germ Warfare Accusation
“I’m pretty sure you planned this whole ‘getting sick’ thing just to avoid helping me move next weekend. Well played, my friend. Well played.”
Fake accusations make for funny card messages because they’re so clearly untrue. This works best for minor illnesses and close friends who get your sense of humor. The joke takes the focus off their suffering and turns it into a silly conspiracy.
5. Pajama Fashion Show
“I bet you’re rocking those hospital gowns like nobody’s business! Maybe start a new fashion trend? ‘Open-back formal wear’ could be the next big thing!”
Fashion jokes about unflattering hospital wear always get a laugh. This message works well for style-conscious friends or anyone stuck in those awful hospital gowns. The humor comes from making something uncomfortable seem trendy.
6. Sympathy Illness Offer
“If it would make you feel better, I could break my leg too. Then we could race wheelchairs down the hospital halls. Just say the word!”
Offering to join them in their misery shows solidarity in a funny way. This works for good friends with bigger injuries or longer recovery times. The mental image of wheelchair races adds an extra layer of silly to make them smile.
7. Fake Medical Advice
“My extensive medical knowledge (from watching 12 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy) suggests you need more ice cream and fewer vegetables. Doctor’s orders!”
Pretending to be a medical expert based on TV shows is silly in the best way. This message works for friends who enjoy pop culture references. The joke lands because we all know how ridiculous medical shows can be compared to real healthcare.
8. Illness Method Acting
“Are you just method acting for a movie role? If so, your performance is very convincing! I’d give you an Oscar, but it might hurt with your broken arm.”
Suggesting they’re faking for fame adds a light touch to a tough situation. This works best for theatrical friends or those with a flair for drama. The added bit about the Oscar being heavy makes it extra funny for someone with an injury.
9. Escape Plan Offer
“If you need a getaway driver, just give me the signal. I can have you out of that hospital in 10 minutes flat. I’ve been practicing my car chase skills.”
Treating the hospital like a prison they need to escape from is silly fun. This message works for friends who hate being cooped up or missing out on activities. The mental picture of a hospital escape adds an action movie element to their boring recovery.
10. Recovery Timeline Joke
“The doctor says 6-8 weeks recovery, but I believe in you! I’m betting you’ll do it in 5 weeks and 6 days. I’ve always known you were an overachiever.”
Making recovery a funny competition acknowledges their situation while adding humor. This works well for athletic or competitive friends. The joke is in the tiny improvement on the doctor’s timeline, making it both funny and encouraging.
11. Boredom Solutions
“Bored yet? I left a ‘Where’s Waldo’ book and three years’ worth of crossword puzzles at the nurse’s station. That should keep you busy until Tuesday.”
Offering silly solutions to hospital boredom shows you understand their situation. This message is perfect for longer stays when boredom becomes a real issue. The exaggeration of “three years’ worth” adds to the humor while addressing a real concern.
12. Get-Rich-Quick Scheme
“Have you considered suing gravity for your fall? I know a guy who knows a guy. We could split the millions 60/40 (I get the 60 for coming up with the idea).”
Suggesting a ridiculous lawsuit makes light of accidents in a silly way. This works best for friends who fell or had accident-related injuries. The joke gets even funnier with the unfair split of imaginary money, showing your playful greed.
13. Illness Achievement Award
“Congratulations! You’ve reached Level 5 Sickliness! Few make it this far. Your prize is this card and my sympathy. (Prize has no cash value. Sympathy expires in 30 days.)”
Turning illness into a video game achievement puts a fun spin on a bad situation. This message works well for gamers or friends with a lingering illness. The fine print about sympathy expiring adds an extra layer of humor that mirrors real contest rules.
14. Dramatic Diagnosis
“I’ve diagnosed your condition as ‘Acute Awesome-itis.’ Side effects include being too cool for school and making hospital gowns look good. There is no known cure.”
Creating a silly fake diagnosis lightens the mood around medical talk. This message is great for friends who are tired of discussing their real diagnosis. The compliments hidden within the joke make it both funny and uplifting at the same time.
15. Terrible Nursery Rhymes
“Roses are red, hospitals are white, your butt is showing through your gown, and that’s not right. (Poetry was never my strong suit, but neither are hospital gowns…)”
Bad poetry adds a personal, funny touch to any card. This works especially well for hospital stays involving those infamous backless gowns. The self-deprecating comment about poetry skills makes the terrible rhyme even funnier.
16. Fake Jealousy
“Stop hogging all the attention! Some of us have paper cuts over here that nobody cares about. So selfish of you to steal the spotlight with your ‘major surgery.'”
Pretending to be jealous of their illness is silly because it’s so clearly backwards. This message works for close friends who know you’re actually very concerned. The contrast between their serious condition and your minor “paper cut” creates the humor.
17. Excuse Generator
“Need good excuses to skip meetings? Try these: ‘Sorry, doctor says I can’t be in Zoom calls with boring people.’ or ‘My medication makes me allergic to spreadsheets.’ You’re welcome!”
Offering funny excuses they can use during recovery shows thoughtfulness with humor. This message is perfect for work friends or those missing professional obligations. The absurdity of the excuses adds humor while acknowledging their situation.
18. Survival Guide Tips
“Secret tips for hospital stays: 1) The red button summons candy, not nurses. 2) Hospital pudding tastes better if you pretend it’s from a fancy restaurant. 3) Nobody believes the ‘I need to check your TV’ excuse anymore.”
Creating a fake survival guide with silly tips lightens their situation. This approach works best for hospital stays when practical advice might actually be helpful. The mix of obviously bad advice with the hospital setting creates several layers of humor.
19. Visitor Threats
“Fair warning: If you don’t get better soon, I’ll visit daily and sing show tunes at your bedside. None of us want that. Especially your roommate.”
Threatening them with something annoying as motivation to recover adds humor. This message works for friends who know your terrible singing voice or other annoying habits. The added concern for their roommate makes it even funnier.
20. Healing Powers Claim
“I’ve blessed this card with special healing powers. Side effects may include sudden urges to do my chores, buy me lunch, or tell everyone I’m your favorite friend.”
Claiming magical healing abilities with strings attached is a funny twist. This works for friends who enjoy magical thinking or fantasy references. The increasingly selfish “side effects” create an escalating joke that ends with obvious self-interest.
21. Medical Bill Solutions
“If the medical bills are too high, I know a guy who can give you a new identity. You’d make a great ‘Fernando’ or ‘Wanda.’ Just saying, it’s an option.”
Offering ridiculous solutions to real problems like medical costs adds humor to a stressful topic. This message is good for friends who worry about the financial side of being sick. The specific fake names make the joke more vivid and silly.
22. Injury Bragging Rights
“That scar is going to make for an awesome story! Feel free to replace ‘fell in the bathroom’ with ‘saved a bus full of puppies from going off a cliff’ when telling people what happened.”
Suggesting they use their injury for cooler stories acknowledges their situation with humor. This message works well for injuries that might leave scars or require explanation. The contrast between the mundane truth and the heroic fiction creates the comedy.
23. Recovery Racing Challenge
“I bet I can run a mile faster than you right now. Too soon? OK, I’ll give you a two-week head start, then it’s ON.”
Challenging them to physical activities they clearly can’t do yet is silly because it’s so inappropriate. This message works for athletic friends with temporary physical limitations. The added “too soon?” shows awareness that the joke might be edgy, adding another layer of humor.
24. Bad TV Recommendation
“I recommend watching daytime TV until your brain melts, then the pain won’t bother you anymore. It’s cheaper than pain meds, but side effects include knowing too much about dish soap.”
Suggesting awful entertainment as medicine pokes fun at being stuck with limited options. This message is perfect for friends confined to bed with a TV. The joke about dish soap commercials is relatable to anyone who’s been home sick watching daytime television.
25. Expert Second Opinion
“I googled your symptoms, and according to the internet, you’re either fighting a common cold or you’re a pregnant butterfly. I’d get a second opinion.”
Making fun of internet medical advice is both funny and good guidance. This message works for friends with mysterious or common illnesses. The absurd diagnosis of “pregnant butterfly” highlights how ridiculous online self-diagnosis can be.
26. Recovery Milestones
“Recovery milestone chart: Day 1: Survive. Day 2: Complain loudly. Day 3: Demand better food. Day 4: Teach the nurses your favorite card game. Day 5: Plan hospital breakout. You’re doing great!”
Creating silly recovery milestones shows encouragement with humor. This approach works for friends facing longer recovery periods who need cheering up. The increasingly ridiculous milestones create a progression that builds the humor with each step.
27. Medication Side Effect Warning
“Warning: Your medication may cause sudden urges to text me funny updates and buy me thank-you gifts. Doctors recommend you follow these urges for quickest recovery.”
Inventing fake medication side effects that benefit you is playfully selfish. This message works for friends on various medications who might enjoy medication humor. The format mimicking real medical warnings makes the joke more effective.
28. Hospital Room Makeover
“Your room needs a makeover! I’m thinking disco ball, confetti cannon, and a DJ booth. The nurses might object, but what do they know about proper healing environments?”
Suggesting ridiculous improvements to their hospital setting creates visual humor. This message is great for friends in bland hospital rooms for extended stays. The contrast between hospital seriousness and party elements creates the comedy.
29. Illness Comparison Contest
“On a scale from ‘fake sick day from work’ to ‘the main character in a medical drama,’ how sick are you? Because I’m only bringing ice cream for 7 or higher.”
Creating a funny rating system for illness severity adds humor to a serious topic. This message works for friends who appreciate direct humor about their condition. The bribe of ice cream adds a playful incentive to claim they’re very sick.
30. Recovery Excuse
“Take your time recovering. The longer you’re sick, the longer I can use ‘visiting my poor friend’ as an excuse to skip my cousin’s piano recitals. Win-win!”
Pretending their illness benefits you shows humor through reversed priorities. This message works best for close friends who won’t take offense. The specific excuse about piano recitals makes the joke more vivid and relatable to anyone who’s sat through bad performances.
Wrapping Up
Being sick is no fun, but a funny message can be just what the doctor ordered. The right joke shows you care enough to put in some effort and can brighten even the worst sick day. Humor is great medicine with no bad side effects (except maybe laughing so hard it hurts).
Next time your friend is under the weather, skip the boring “get well soon” and try one of these funny messages instead. They’ll thank you for the laugh – and they’ll think of you every time they need to smile during their recovery. After all, good friends don’t just bring soup; they bring laughs when they’re needed most.