You walk into a bar, see a dartboard, and think, “I should totally write something funny on the scoreboard.” But your brain freezes faster than ice cream in winter. We’ve all been there – pen in hand, friends waiting, and not a single joke comes to mind. The pressure is worse than trying to hit a bullseye with your eyes closed while riding a unicycle.
Don’t panic! I spent way too much time in bars “researching” this list. My liver may hate me, but your friends will think you’re the funniest person since that guy who invented whoopee cushions. These dart jokes will make you the king or queen of the board, guaranteed or your money back (which is zero dollars, so it’s a pretty safe bet).
Funny Things to Write at the Darts
Ready to become the comedy champion of dart night? Here are 30 hilarious things to write on dart scoreboards that will have everyone laughing so hard they’ll miss the board completely.
1. “My Aim Is True (My Math Is Not)”
Everyone knows that person who throws darts like a sniper but can’t add up their score without using all their fingers and toes. This joke works perfectly when you or your buddy keeps miscounting points and having to start over.
For extra laughs, deliberately mess up the math throughout the game, creating increasingly ridiculous totals that have nothing to do with what’s actually happening. Your friends will either find it hilarious or ban you from keeping score forever.
2. “Darting Away From Responsibility”
This gem is perfect for weeknight games when you all should be doing something more productive. It’s the dart player’s battle cry against adulting and real-world obligations.
Use this one when someone mentions they have an early meeting tomorrow or brings up work. Bonus points if you write it while dramatically sighing and checking your phone for missed calls from your boss. The whole group will bond over your shared commitment to poor life choices.
3. “Board Meeting In Progress”
Corporate humor hits differently when you’re slightly tipsy and throwing pointy objects. This pun works on multiple levels and makes everyone feel clever for getting it.
This line shines brightest when played during happy hour with coworkers. It transforms your silly game into an “official business meeting” that you can later claim was “very productive.” Just don’t try writing it off as a business expense on your taxes.
4. “Aiming Low to Avoid Disappointment”
Self-deprecating humor never misses, even when your darts do. This saying perfectly captures the strategy of managing expectations while playing a game you’re terrible at.
Write this at the start of the game as a preemptive excuse for your awful performance. Then if you actually do well, you look like a humble champion. And if you’re terrible, you seem wise and self-aware. It’s a win-win approach to losing.
5. “The Odds Are In My Flavor”
A deliberate mistake that makes people do a double-take. It’s like a dad joke that sneaked into a bar and ordered a beer – unexpected and strangely satisfying.
This works best when you’re winning and eating bar snacks at the same time. Point to your plate of nachos or wings when someone notices the pun. The combination of wordplay and physical comedy will have everyone groaning in the best possible way.
6. “Dartistic License”
This pun gives you permission to bend the rules, make up scores, or throw from wherever you want. It’s like having a “get out of jail free” card but for dart-related offenses.
Deploy this joke when you want to take a step closer to the board or when you “accidentally” knock your opponent’s winning dart out with your throw. Just be prepared for everyone else to claim their own “dartistic license” in response.
7. “I Hit the Bull’s Eye at the Other Bar”
The classic “you should have seen what I did when you weren’t looking” excuse that nobody believes but everyone appreciates. It’s the dart equivalent of “the fish was THIS big” stories.
This line is most effective when used after a particularly embarrassing throw that landed nowhere near the board. Say it with complete conviction while nodding seriously. The more terrible your current performance, the funnier this claim becomes.
8. “Taking My Best Shot (At Not Hitting Anyone)”
Safety humor always hits the mark, especially when sharp objects are flying around. This joke acknowledges the very real possibility that your darts might end up somewhere unexpected.
This one gets extra laughs if you’ve already had a close call or if there’s that one player in your group with notoriously wild throws. It’s both a joke and a public service announcement wrapped in one neat package.
9. “Scoring Points & Breaking Hearts”
Combine your dart skills with exaggerated romantic prowess for maximum comic effect. It’s the sports equivalent of “I’m not just a pretty face” and works regardless of your actual attractiveness or skill level.
The key to selling this joke is confidence. Write it boldly at the top of the scoreboard before the game starts. Then flex dramatically before each throw, even if you’re about to completely miss the board. The bigger the contrast between your swagger and your skills, the funnier it gets.
10. “In Dart We Trust”
A playful spin on serious mottos that makes your casual game seem like a sacred ritual. It elevates your bar activity to something between a religion and a patriotic duty.
This works best when everyone is taking the game way too seriously already. Write it in all caps at the top of the scorecard like a solemn oath. Then insist on a moment of silence before each player’s turn for maximum absurdity.
11. “Warning: Professional Amateur”
This contradiction brilliantly captures that friend who talks a big game but plays like they’re throwing with their eyes closed. It’s the perfect mix of bragging and honesty.
Use this label for the player who spent fifteen minutes explaining proper dart technique but then can’t hit the board three times in a row. The beauty of this joke is that it can apply to almost anyone in your group at some point during the night.
12. “I Blame the Gravitational Pull of My Beer”
Physics jokes and drinking excuses come together in perfect harmony with this line. It provides a scientific-sounding explanation for why your darts keep dropping short.
This excuse works best when delivered while gesturing to your drink with complete seriousness. For added effect, mumble something about “fluid dynamics” and “mass displacement” as if you’re genuinely calculating the impact of your beverage on your throwing arm.
13. “My Dartboard Relationship Status: It’s Complicated”
Turning your inconsistent gameplay into relationship drama makes for great comedy. Some days you and the board are in perfect harmony, other days you can’t seem to connect at all.
This joke lands best after a series of wildly inconsistent throws – one perfect shot followed by two complete disasters. Shake your head sadly at the board as if it’s deliberately playing hard to get. Your friends will recognize this hot-and-cold dynamic from their own dart experiences.
14. “The Dart Knight Rises”
Pop culture references always score points with the crowd. This Batman-inspired nickname makes your average game seem epic and cinematic, despite the very ordinary bar setting.
For maximum effect, lower your voice to a gravelly whisper whenever it’s your turn after writing this. Bonus points if you’re wearing all black or can fashion a cape out of a bar napkin. The contrast between your dramatic persona and the mundane activity is comedy gold.
15. “I’m Not Bad at Darts, I’m Creating Modern Art”
When your darts go everywhere except where they should, reframe your failure as artistic expression. It’s not missing, it’s abstract performance art that the uncultured masses simply don’t understand.
This works wonderfully after a particularly disastrous round. Gesture to the board with your misplaced darts and adopt the tone of a pretentious gallery owner. Describe your “composition” using fancy words like “juxtaposition” and “negative space” while your friends roll their eyes.
16. “Hitting Everything Except My Life Goals”
Self-deprecating humor with a dash of existential crisis always connects with fellow adults. This joke acknowledges that we’re all just avoiding real responsibilities by playing bar games.
This line hits hardest around 10 PM on a weeknight when everyone should be at home preparing for tomorrow. Sigh dramatically after writing it, then immediately suggest another round of both drinks and darts. The group’s knowing laughter confirms you’ve struck a universal truth.
17. “I Peaked in Dart School”
Creating a fictional past where you were a dart prodigy is absurd in just the right way. It suggests you’ve been on a downward trajectory since your glory days in a made-up institution.
Tell elaborate stories about your scholarship to “Dartmouth” (but not the real college) and your trophy case full of youth dart championships. The more detailed and ridiculous your dart backstory, the funnier the contrast with your actual mediocre skills.
18. “Social Distancing From the Bullseye Since 2020”
Topical humor that links current events to your awful dart skills creates an instant connection with your fellow players. It’s not your fault – you’re just being responsible!
This joke works best when you consistently miss the center by a wide margin. Point out that you’re just following guidelines by keeping your darts at least six feet away from the bullseye at all times. Reframe your lack of skill as a public health service.
19. “Turning Bad Aim Into Good Stories”
This captures the essence of why we play bar games in the first place – it’s not about winning, it’s about creating moments worth talking about later. Your terrible throw might be tomorrow’s legendary tale.
Use this when something truly memorable happens during the game – like a dart bouncing off the board and landing in someone’s drink or getting stuck in the ceiling. Immediately declare that the event will be retold at all future gatherings, growing more impressive with each telling.
20. “Playing Darts: 10% Skill, 90% Blaming the Equipment”
Everyone knows that bad workmen blame their tools, and dart players are no exception. This joke acknowledges the universal tendency to blame everything except ourselves for poor performance.
This line works beautifully when accompanied by a detailed inspection of your darts before each throw. Squint at them suspiciously, test their weight, and maybe even ask to borrow someone else’s when yours “clearly aren’t balanced right.” The more technical your complaints, the funnier the excuse.
21. “I’m Not Missing, I’m Giving the Wall Some Love”
Reframing your complete misses as intentional acts of kindness to neglected parts of the bar shows creative thinking and stubborn optimism in the face of failure.
This excuse shines when your dart hits something embarrassing like the wall, someone’s chair, or the bar’s framed sports memorabilia. Instead of apologizing, nod confidently as if that was your target all along. Pat the wall appreciatively after retrieving your dart for extra laughs.
22. “The Scoreboard Says ‘Winner,’ But My Dignity Says ‘Loser'”
This captures that moment when you technically win the game but only because everyone else played even worse than you did. It’s victory with an asterisk.
Write this after winning a game where everyone performed terribly. Bow graciously while acknowledging that your “championship” comes with significant caveats. It shows good sportsmanship while still getting laughs from the group’s collective mediocrity.
23. “My Dart Strategy: Throw and Pray”
This honest admission that you have absolutely no technique or plan resonates with casual players everywhere. Sometimes blind hope is all we’ve got.
This works best written at the start of the game when everyone is discussing their approach. While others talk about aiming for triple 20s or working the outer ring, you can simply point to your strategy and shrug. The beauty is that when you do hit something good, you can claim your strategy worked perfectly.
24. “Turning Beer Into Disappointment One Throw at a Time”
This clever play on the brewing process perfectly captures the relationship between drinking and declining dart skills as the night progresses. Your throws get worse but your excuses get better.
Track your deteriorating performance alongside your drink count for maximum effect. After each round of drinks, update your scores with increasingly creative explanations for why your aim keeps getting worse. By the end of the night, your scorecard tells the hilarious story of your downward spiral.
25. “Hitting the Board: Optional But Appreciated”
Setting the bar incredibly low creates instant comedy. This motto celebrates the bare minimum achievement while acknowledging that even that might be asking too much.
This joke works best in a group where at least one person is truly terrible at darts. Write it as an encouraging team slogan at the top of the scorecard. Cheer wildly whenever anyone’s dart actually makes contact with the board regardless of the score, treating it like a major accomplishment.
26. “I Like My Coffee Like My Darts: All Over the Place”
Borrowing the classic “I like my X like my Y” joke format and applying it to your chaotic dart style creates an instant laugh. It’s self-deprecating humor with a dash of coffee shop vibes.
This line works wonderfully during morning or brunch dart games (yes, they exist). Take a sip of your coffee right before throwing, then gesture between your scattered darts and your mug as if proving your point. The more scattered your throws, the better the joke lands.
27. “Game Plan: Look Cool While Missing Completely”
This acknowledges the truth that for casual players, style points often matter more than actual points. Looking good while being bad is an art form unto itself.
Demonstrate this philosophy by adopting an unnecessarily elaborate throwing stance and serious facial expression before completely missing the board. The bigger the contrast between your professional appearance and amateur results, the funnier the effect.
28. “My Darts Identify as Boomerangs”
A playful joke about darts that seem to defy physics by going everywhere except straight toward the target. It’s as if they’re determined to return to you by taking the longest route possible.
This works best after a dart bounces off the board or curves dramatically mid-air. Look genuinely surprised when your dart doesn’t come back to you. For extra laughs, hold your hand out as if expecting it to return like a trained pet.
29. “Today’s Excuse: Mercury Is in Retrograde”
Blaming cosmic forces for your poor dart performance takes excuse-making to an absurd new level. It’s not you, it’s the alignment of planets that’s making your throws go wild.
Check your phone for astrological updates between throws and solemnly announce how various celestial bodies are affecting your game. The more specific and pseudoscientific your explanations, the funnier they become. “Saturn’s position is really impacting my follow-through today.”
30. “Future Dart Champion (Very, Very Future)”
Ending on an optimistic note that acknowledges how far you have to go is both funny and weirdly inspirational. Maybe in several decades, you’ll finally hit that bullseye consistently.
Write this with a specific far-off date like “Dart Champion 2065” to emphasize just how long your journey to greatness might take. Talk about your “long-term development plan” and how you’re “laying the groundwork” for future success while consistently missing the board completely.
Wrapping Up
Next time you grab those darts, you’ll be armed with more than just pointy objects – you’ll have an arsenal of jokes that hit the mark even when your throws don’t. These dartboard zingers will make you the life of the party, or at least distract everyone from noticing how badly you’re losing.
So go ahead and use these lines next time you’re at the board. Your dart skills might not improve, but I guarantee your social standing will. And if all else fails, just buy a round for everyone. Nothing makes bad dart jokes seem funnier than free beer.