Best friends are like those weird socks you keep even though they have holes – they’re comfy, familiar, and you’d be sad without them. You know all their gross habits, funny stories, and that time they got stuck in a trash can at the park. (Don’t act like that didn’t happen, we all saw the pictures!)
But what happens when you need to write something about this partner-in-crime? Maybe it’s their birthday card, a social media post, or that speech you’re giving at their wedding where you promised not to talk about “the raccoon incident.” Don’t worry! I’ve got your back just like your bestie does when you need someone to tell you that your new haircut doesn’t make you look like a mop.
Let’s be real – your friend might punch you for some of these, but the laughs will be worth it. And isn’t that what friendship is all about? Making fun of each other and then sharing fries after?
Funny Things to Write about Your Best Friend
Here are 30 hilarious topics to write about your best friend that will make them laugh, blush, and maybe plan their sweet revenge. These ideas work great for cards, social posts, or that roast you’ve been planning.
1. Their Epic Fails in the Kitchen
Your friend might think they’re the next big chef, but we all know about that time they set off the smoke alarm making toast. Write about their cooking disasters with loving detail – like how they once used salt instead of sugar in cookies and tried to convince everyone it was “a fancy new taste.”
Food fails make perfect writing material because everyone can relate to kitchen mess-ups. Be sure to include that one signature dish they think they make well but actually tastes like cardboard with sauce. Just make sure they feed you before showing them what you wrote!
2. The Way They Snore
Nothing says friendship like knowing exactly what your buddy sounds like when they’re sawing logs. Compare their snoring to funny things – maybe it’s like “a chainsaw fighting a bear” or “what I imagine a broken tuba would sound like underwater.”
Your detailed account of their nighttime noises will have everyone rolling with laughter. This works perfectly for sleepovers, camping trips, or any story where you had to share a room. Add extra points for mentioning how many pillows you’ve thrown at them over the years trying to make it stop.
3. Their Dance Moves
Your friend’s idea of dancing might look like a chicken having a seizure, and that’s comedy gold! Write about how they think they’re killing it on the dance floor while everyone else is just trying not to get hit by their flailing limbs.
Give their signature move a funny name like “The Broken Sprinkler” or “The Dying Giraffe.” Include details about how the dance floor magically clears when they step on it. This works best with photos or videos as evidence, but written descriptions can be even funnier if you get creative with your comparisons.
4. That One Outfit They Keep Wearing
We all have that friend who has a favorite piece of clothing that should have been thrown away years ago. Maybe it’s those jeans with more holes than fabric or that t-shirt from middle school that somehow still fits (but shouldn’t).
Write about how this item follows you everywhere like a bad smell. Calculate how many times you’ve seen this outfit and make up statistics about how much of their life has been spent wearing it. Bonus points if you include your failed attempts to “accidentally” destroy it during laundry day.
5. Their Weird Phobia
Is your friend afraid of butterflies? Do they run screaming from balloons? These unusual fears make perfect writing material! Tell the story of how you found out about this strange phobia and all the times it’s popped up since.
Detail their hilarious reaction when facing their fear – like climbing you like a tree when they spot a harmless moth. Include a fake “scientific study” of their behavior or create a mock survival guide for others who might encounter your friend during a phobia episode. Just keep it light and loving!
6. Their Terrible Singing Voice
Your best friend might think they’re the next big pop star, but the only thing they’re killing is your eardrums. Write about their shower concerts or car karaoke sessions that have made you consider jumping out at stoplights.
Compare their singing to funny sounds like “a cat caught in a washing machine” or “what I imagine a pterodactyl giving birth would sound like.” Include details about how they always belt the high notes that are clearly out of their range. This works great with specific song examples they’ve murdered.
7. The Time They Got Lost Following GPS
Nothing brings friends closer than getting completely lost together because your buddy insists “the app knows best.” Write about that adventure when you ended up in a corn field instead of the mall because they “just had a feeling” about that suspicious dirt road.
Detail their stubborn refusal to admit they were wrong even as you drove deeper into nowhere. Include their famous last words like “It says turn right HERE” right before you ended up in a ditch. This works best if you include how long it took to get back to civilization.
8. Their Collection of Random Stuff
Some friends collect normal things like stamps or coins. Your friend collects empty hot sauce bottles or has seventeen plush penguins named after U.S. presidents. This weird hobby needs to be documented!
List the strangest items in their collection and make up funny origin stories for how they got them. Predict how this collection will grow in the future and what their house will look like when they’re 80 and still hoarding these treasures. Keep it silly but affectionate.
9. Their Morning Zombie Mode
Not everyone wakes up looking fresh and ready for the day. Your best friend might look more like something from a horror movie before their first cup of coffee. This morning monster deserves to be captured in words!
Describe their hair standing up in ways that defy physics and the grunting noises that substitute for human language. Include a step-by-step guide for brave souls who dare to interact with them before noon. This works great with a warning about what happens if you’re too cheerful around them too early.
10. The Way They Tell the Same Stories
We all have that friend who tells the same five stories over and over like they’re brand new each time. Document their greatest hits and how the stories have grown more dramatic with each telling. That fish they caught as a kid? It grows six inches every year in the retelling.
Create a bingo card of their story cues and famous lines that everyone who knows them would recognize. Include your group’s secret signals or drinking games tied to these repeated tales. Keep it playful rather than mean-spirited.
11. Their Failed Dating Adventures
Your bestie’s dating history might be a series of disasters that would make great TV. With their permission (important!), share the hilariously bad dates they’ve survived – like the one who brought their mother along or the person who only talked about their pet snake.
Turn their dating pattern into a funny “field guide” to the types they always fall for. Include your friend’s classic post-date texts to you and your standard pep talks. This works if you keep it light and focus on the humor rather than anything too personal.
12. Their Unique Laugh
Some people have normal laughs. Your friend sounds like a donkey being tickled by a feather duster. This special sound needs to be captured in writing! Describe how their laugh changes based on how funny something is – from the quiet snort to the full body shake.
List all the places their laugh has gotten you strange looks – quiet movie theaters, fancy restaurants, funerals (yikes!). Include how their laugh is more contagious than any disease and how you can identify them in a crowd just by hearing it. This celebrates something uniquely them.
13. Their Battle With Technology
If your friend thinks “the cloud” is something in the sky and still can’t program their TV, their tech struggles deserve to be documented. Write about their epic battles with printers, their confusion about passwords, and how they still type with just two fingers.
Detail that time they called you in a panic because their computer was “broken” when it was just in sleep mode. Include the number of times you’ve had to explain what a screenshot is or how they still print out directions instead of using their phone. This works when balanced with affection.
14. The Way They Drive
Some friends make even short car trips into white-knuckle adventures. Write about their special driving skills – like how they think yellow lights mean “floor it” or how they use both feet for the pedals like they’re playing a piano.
Detail their car’s condition – the mystery stains, the collection of fast food bags, and that weird smell nobody can identify. Include their road rage phrases or how they sing aggressively at other drivers. This works if you balance teasing with clear affection.
15. Their Made-Up Words
Your best friend might have their own special language that only makes sense to them. Document their unique vocabulary – like how they call the remote the “clicker” or have a special word for when they’re hungry and angry at the same time.
Create a mini-dictionary of their terms with funny definitions and example sentences. Include how these words have spread to your other friends or how you sometimes catch yourself using them. This celebrates something quirky and special about your friendship.
16. Their Weird Food Habits
Everyone has food quirks, but your friend takes it to another level. Maybe they put ketchup on everything, eat pizza crust-first, or have never met a food they won’t dip in ranch dressing. These strange food habits deserve to be shared!
List their weirdest food combinations that make normal people gag. Include your reactions to witnessing these food crimes and how they defend their strange tastes. This works best when you admit to being fascinated even while being grossed out.
17. How They Act When Sick
Some friends turn into complete babies at the first sign of a sniffle. Document their dramatic transformation from normal human to helpless blob when they catch a cold. Detail their pitiful texts asking for soup delivery and their belief that a 99-degree temperature might be the end.
Create a funny care guide for future caretakers with specific instructions about what TV shows must be available and exactly how their tea must be prepared. Include quotes of their delirious fever talk for extra laughs. This works if balanced with acknowledging how you still take care of them.
18. Their Exercise Attempts
Your friend’s relationship with fitness might be what we call “complicated.” Write about their workout phases that last exactly three days or how they bought expensive equipment that now serves as an extra closet.
Detail their excuses for skipping gym day and how they consider walking to the fridge “cardio.” Include their post-workout complaints when they do exercise and how they expect medals for completing a single push-up. This works great if you share your own fitness struggles too.
19. Their Shopping Habits
Some friends turn shopping into an Olympic sport. Document their mall strategy, how they try on fifty things to buy nothing, or how they somehow always find the one thing on super sale that looks amazing on them.
Detail their famous shopping phrases like “I’m just looking” (a lie) or “I really shouldn’t” (right before they do). Include their justifications for purchases and how they’ve convinced you to buy things you didn’t need too. This celebrates a fun activity you share.
20. Their Reaction to Movies
Your bestie might be that person who talks during movies, asks obvious questions, or cries at commercials. Their viewing habits make for hilarious writing! Describe how they yell advice at horror movie characters or need detailed explanations of plot twists that were obvious to everyone else.
List the movie genres that trigger their funniest reactions and what physical position they end up in during tense scenes. Include quotes of their most ridiculous movie commentary. This works great paired with specific movie examples you’ve watched together.
21. Their Social Media Persona
The difference between your real-life friend and their online persona can be comedy gold. Write about how their Instagram suggests they live on yachts and eat at fancy restaurants when you know they’re usually on their couch eating cereal for dinner.
Detail their photo-taking process – the seventy attempts for one “casual” shot and their specific angles. Include their classic captions and how long they wait to check likes after posting. Keep it playful rather than critical of this common behavior.
22. How They Pack for Trips
Some friends bring three outfit options per day while others forget to pack underwear entirely. Your bestie’s packing style says a lot about them! Describe their suitcase chaos or their extreme organization with labeled Ziploc bags.
List the random “essential” items they never travel without, like their special pillow or enough snacks to survive an apocalypse. Include how their packing style has affected your trips together. This works best with specific travel examples.
23. Their Version of Cleaning
Your friend’s idea of “clean” might be simply pushing everything under the bed. Document their special cleaning techniques like using the sniff test on clothes or considering dusting to be optional.
Detail the stages of their panic cleaning before guests arrive and how things that were “quickly put away” are never seen again. Include how they consider making their bed a major accomplishment worthy of praise. This works if you acknowledge everyone has different standards.
24. Their Pet Obsession
If your friend treats their pet like their child, this deserves documentation! Write about how they have more photos of their cat than their family members and how they have full conversations with their dog while maintaining both sides of the dialogue.
List the ridiculous pet accessories they’ve purchased and the special voice they use only for their furry friend. Include how their pet has its own social media with more followers than them. This celebrates their big heart while gently teasing.
25. Their Gift-Giving Style
Some friends give perfectly thoughtful gifts while others… try their best. Document their history of strange presents – like that time they gave you a toilet plunger “just in case” or a weight loss book “because it was on sale.”
Categorize their gift types with funny names like “The Regift,” “The Last-Minute Gas Station Special,” or “The What Were They Thinking.” Include their gift presentation style and how you’ve learned to react enthusiastically no matter what’s inside. This works if balanced with genuine appreciation.
26. Their Phone Habits
Your friend’s relationship with their phone might be the most committed relationship in their life. Write about how they experience physical pain when battery life drops below 50% or how they check their phone mid-conversation like it’s a nervous tic.
Detail their app organization system (or complete lack thereof) and how many unread emails they have (thousands? millions?). Include how they react when forced to be phone-free for any period of time. This works because it’s so relatable.
27. Their Weather Complaints
Some friends have very specific comfort requirements when it comes to temperature. Document their weather drama – how they wear parkas when it’s 65 degrees or start sweating if the thermostat goes above 72.
Create a weather reaction chart mapping their outfits and complaints to different temperatures. Include their famous weather-related phrases and how they blame all their problems on humidity or barometric pressure. This works because weather talk is universal.
28. How They Handle Money
Your friend’s financial philosophy might be “if I don’t check my bank account, the problems don’t exist.” Write about their interesting money habits – like having seventeen half-used gift cards but never cash, or their extreme couponing that saves $2 after three hours of work.
Detail their budgeting style (or lack thereof) and their justifications for purchases (“It was on sale so I saved money by spending money!”). Include their reaction to splitting bills and their creative payment-avoidance techniques. Keep it gentle rather than judgmental.
29. Their Childhood Stories
The tales of their young years reveal so much about who they became! Write about their most embarrassing childhood phases – like when they were convinced they were a horse and galloped everywhere, or their brief career as a terrible child magician.
Select stories they’ve shared that explain their current quirks and fears. Include photos if possible (with permission) of their awkward years with questionable fashion choices and hairstyles. This works because it celebrates your whole history of knowing them.
30. What Makes Them an Amazing Friend
End on a sweet note by writing about the ridiculous lengths they’ve gone to help you out. Maybe they drove hours to bring you soup when you were sick or stayed up all night helping you finish a project. These stories show why you put up with all their weirdness.
Balance the teasing with genuine appreciation for how they make your life better, funnier, and more interesting. Include specific examples of when their particular brand of crazy was exactly what you needed. This works because it turns your loving roast into a celebration.
Wrapping Up
Writing funny things about your best friend is like walking a tightrope between “hilarious” and “they might never speak to me again.” The key is making sure the love shines through the teasing. After all, you’re only making fun of them because you know them so well.
So go ahead and document their weirdness in all its glory. Just maybe show them this list first so they know what’s coming. And have a peace offering ready – like their favorite snack or a reminder of that embarrassing thing you did that they could totally write about too. Fair is fair in friendship and funny stories!