You have found yourself staring at the blank side of a postcard. Your pen hovers. What do you write? “Having a great time. Wish you were here.” Boring! Don’t be that person. Your friends and family want to laugh. They need a giggle. Give them something they will stick on their fridge with pride!
I spent way too much time collecting these gems just for you. Some made me snort coffee through my nose. Others made my kids ask why I was crying (from laughter, I promise). So grab your pen, pick your favorite, and make someone’s day with your postcard wisdom.
Funny Things to Write on a Postcard
Here are 30 hilarious messages you can use on your next postcard. These will work for vacations, birthdays, or just because you found a funny card and wanted to mail it.
1. The Weather Report
“The weather here is perfect. I’m tan, relaxed, and lying about both those things. It’s been raining for 5 days. Send help and waterproof snacks.”
Want to make your friends jealous of your vacation? Don’t. Make them laugh instead with an honest weather report. This works best when you’re visiting places famous for sunshine but getting unusual bad weather. Your honesty will be a breath of fresh air in the world of perfect social media posts.
2. The Food Critic
“Tried the local specialty. Pretty sure it was looking at me before I ate it. Still tasted better than your cooking. Sorry not sorry!”
Food is a huge part of travel, and sharing your culinary adventures brings people along for the ride. This message works wonderfully when sent from places with exotic cuisine. The playful insult at the end can be customized for your relationship with the receiver.
3. The Tourist Trap Confession
“Paid $20 for this postcard. The gift shop guy said it was made from special local paper. I believed him until I saw the ‘Made in China’ sticker. Sending you my expensive mistake!”
Everyone gets caught in a tourist trap sometimes. Sharing your shopping fails creates an instant connection. Your friends will appreciate your willingness to look silly. This message shines when paired with a really cheesy or overly colorful postcard that screams “tourist!”
4. The Language Barrier
“Asked for directions to the beach. Somehow ended up at a goat farm. The goats were friendly but terrible at giving directions.”
Language mix-ups happen to the best of us when traveling. This message lets you share those funny moments of confusion. The absurdity of ending up somewhere completely unexpected always gets laughs. Use this when writing from countries where you don’t speak the language.
5. The Fake History Lesson
“Did you know this famous landmark was built by aliens? At least that’s what the guy selling tinfoil hats on the corner told me. I bought two.”
Creating silly fake history makes boring landmarks suddenly hilarious. Your recipients will enjoy the creativity and might even wonder for a split second if it could be true. This works especially well with famous historical sites. Go wild with your imagination here!
6. The Oversharing TMI
“Got food poisoning on day two. Have seen every bathroom in this hotel. The one on the 5th floor has the best magazines. Rating this vacation 2/5 stars.”
Sometimes vacations go wrong in very personal ways. Turning bathroom emergencies into comedy gold takes talent. People appreciate the raw honesty of these messages. This works when you want to be funny without trying to make your trip seem perfect.
7. The Wildlife Encounter
“A seagull stole my sandwich, my sunglasses, and my dignity. Currently plotting my revenge. Beach life isn’t always glamorous.”
Animal encounters gone wrong make for perfect postcard material. The mental image of you battling with local wildlife will bring smiles. This message format works great from beaches, national parks, or anywhere with notorious animal troublemakers.
8. The Souvenir Threat
“Looking at souvenirs for you. It’s between a singing plastic fish and a snow globe that plays the local anthem. If you don’t reply with a preference, you’re getting both.”
Threatening friends with terrible souvenirs creates playful tension. They’ll wonder if you’re serious. This message gets extra laughs when sent from places known for tacky tourist items. The joke works even if you don’t actually buy anything.
9. The Sun Damage Report
“I’m as red as a lobster. Turns out SPF 4 isn’t enough. The aloe vera plant in the hotel lobby is now bald because of me. Send skin prayers.”
Sunburn happens to the best of us, and making fun of your pain shows good humor. Your friends will feel both sympathy and amusement. This message works perfectly from sunny beach destinations. Bonus points if you actually are sunburned!
10. The Local Fashion Adoption
“Have started wearing socks with sandals unironically. The transformation has begun. By next week, I’ll be wearing a fanny pack. Save me from myself.”
Making fun of how travel changes us hits a sweet spot. We all know that person who came back from vacation with new “local” habits. This message is perfect when visiting places with distinct tourist fashion stereotypes. The call for help at the end ties it all together.
11. The Missing Person Alert
“If I’m not back in a week, check the cruise ship buffet. I may have been trapped under a pile of shrimp. Worth it.”
Food comas and vacation eating are universal experiences. Poking fun at your own gluttony shows you don’t take yourself too seriously. This message works best from all-inclusive resorts, cruises, or destinations known for amazing food. Your friends will relate to vacation appetite expansion.
12. The Hotel Room Complaint
“My hotel room is so small, I have to step outside to change my mind. Still better than staying at your place though!”
Hotel disappointments happen to us all. Exaggerating how tiny or terrible your accommodations are creates comedy gold. The friendly jab at the end personalizes it. This works well when staying at budget accommodations or notoriously expensive cities where rooms are small.
13. The Activity Exaggeration
“Went hiking today. By hiking, I mean I walked to the ice cream shop that was slightly uphill. I’m counting it as exercise.”
Admitting your vacation laziness is strangely satisfying. This message format pokes fun at how we often stretch the truth about our vacation activities. Perfect when visiting places known for outdoor adventures but you’re taking the relaxed approach. Your honesty will be refreshing.
14. The Souvenir Shop Horror
“Trapped in a gift shop tornado. Send help or more money. Turns out I need 17 t-shirts with bad puns about this place.”
Gift shop addiction strikes many travelers. Making fun of your shopping weakness shows self-awareness. This message kills when sent from tourist-heavy destinations with shops on every corner. The specificity of “17 t-shirts” makes the joke feel more real.
15. The Local Cuisine Challenge
“Tried something called ‘local delicacy’ yesterday. Still not sure if it was food or bait. My stomach is filing formal complaints.”
Food adventures gone wrong create instant comedy. Slightly disgusting food descriptions make people laugh while being glad they weren’t there. This message shines when traveling somewhere with unusual cuisine. The personification of your stomach adds another layer of humor.
16. The Accidental Cultural Faux Pas
“Accidentally flashed the peace sign backward to a local. Turns out that’s rude here. Currently hiding in my hotel room until the international incident blows over.”
Cultural misunderstandings happen to everyone. Sharing these moments shows your willingness to laugh at yourself. This works especially well from countries with very different customs than your own. Your friends will appreciate the educational value wrapped in humor.
17. The Transportation Mishap
“Rented a scooter. Crashed into a fruit stand. Now known locally as ‘Banana Destroyer.’ May need to change my name when I get home.”
Travel mishaps make for the best stories. Creating a funny nickname for yourself based on your fail adds an extra layer of humor. This message format works for any transportation disaster, big or small. The idea that locals now know you by this name elevates the joke.
18. The Dramatic Weather Update
“It’s so hot here, I saw two trees fighting over a dog. Send ice. Or better yet, ice cream.”
Weather exaggerations are a postcard classic for good reason. Creating absurd images related to extreme temperatures always lands well. This message works from destinations with notable weather conditions. The twist of asking for ice cream instead of ice at the end gives it a playful finish.
19. The Currency Confusion
“Keep getting confused with the money here. Gave a $50 tip for a $5 coffee. The barista named their firstborn after me. I’m now a local legend.”
Money mistakes abroad are relatable travel problems. Exaggerating the consequences of your error makes it even funnier. This message is perfect when visiting countries with very different currency values or confusing coins. Your friends will either relate or feel better about their own money skills.
20. The Local Wildlife Warning
“The mosquitoes here should pay rent. I’ve lost so much blood I’m feeling light-headed. If this postcard arrives stained, now you know why.”
Bugs and pests are the unwanted souvenirs of many trips. Making dramatic statements about your bug bites shows good humor in adversity. This message works best from tropical or marshy destinations. The note about blood stains adds a darkly funny visual element.
21. The New Identity Crisis
“Started speaking with a fake accent after three days here. The locals aren’t fooled. My family is embarrassed. Can’t stop won’t stop.”
Poking fun at tourists who try too hard to blend in hits a universal funny bone. We all know that person! This message works from any international destination. The commitment to continuing despite embarrassment makes it even funnier.
22. The Vacation Budget Reality
“Having a wonderful time spending money I don’t have on things I don’t need! Will be eating ramen for the next six months. Worth it for this magnet of a dancing palm tree.”
Vacation spending guilt is real. Making light of financial irresponsibility creates instant relatability. This message lands well from expensive destinations or places known for shopping. Mentioning a ridiculous specific purchase adds to the humor.
23. The Exotic Beverage Report
“Local drinks are 90% alcohol, 10% mystery juice, and 100% bad decision fuel. Currently writing this with my non-dominant hand because I can’t feel my right arm.”
Vacation drinking mishaps are comedy gold. Exaggerating the effects of local beverages creates vivid mental images. This message format works from destinations known for unique or strong alcoholic drinks. The mathematical impossibility (adding up to more than 100%) adds another layer of humor.
24. The Beach Body Reality Check
“Planned to get my beach body ready for months. Gave up and brought my winter body instead. It’s having a great time and eating ice cream daily.”
Body image humor that’s self-deprecating but positive always resonates. Making peace with vacation indulgence is something many people relate to. This message works perfectly from beach destinations. The personification of your body having its own good time makes the message uplifting rather than truly self-critical.
25. The Local Time Adjustment
“They say it takes one day per time zone to adjust. I’ve been here a week and still think breakfast happens at dinner time. Send coffee or a new brain.”
Jet lag is a universal travel problem. Exaggerating your time confusion creates instant sympathy and laughs. This message works best when there’s a significant time difference between your location and home. The request for coffee or a new brain makes it clear you’re suffering but with humor.
26. The Postcard Obligation Confession
“Bought this postcard on day one. Writing it on the last day. Will mail it after I get home. I am a master of procrastination and deception.”
Being honest about postcard procrastination is strangely satisfying. Almost everyone has done this! This message works from any destination and creates instant relatability. The grandiose self-description as a “master of procrastination and deception” elevates simple tardiness to an art form.
27. The Tourist Photo Struggle
“Tried to take a selfie with a famous landmark. Got 57 pictures of my nostril and half a building. Will show you my masterpieces when I return.”
Photography fails happen to everyone, especially when traveling. Making fun of your technical incompetence shows good humor. This message works well when visiting places with iconic photography spots. The promise to share the terrible photos later extends the joke beyond the postcard.
28. The Vacation Relationship Test
“Day 5 of traveling together. Haven’t murdered my companion yet. Consider this trip a success regardless of what happens next.”
Travel can strain even the best relationships. Making light of the tensions creates comedy from shared experience. This message works whether traveling with romantic partners, friends, or family. The ominous “regardless of what happens next” adds a perfect dark humor note.
29. The Vacation Fitness Plan
“My exercise plan here involves lifting food to my mouth and occasionally nodding off while reading. I’m counting walking to the bathroom as cardio.”
Vacation laziness is a universal joy. Redefining basic movements as exercise shows delightful self-awareness. This message format works from relaxing destinations like beaches or resorts. The specificity of counting bathroom walks as cardio makes it extra relatable.
30. The Return Threat
“Having such an amazing time I might never come back. Just kidding. I ran out of clean underwear. See you Tuesday.”
The classic vacation joke of threatening to stay forever gets a realistic twist. The mundane reason for returning (dirty laundry) brings the fantasy back to earth. This message works from any dream destination. It’s perfect for ending your trip on a funny note that acknowledges vacation reality.
Wrapping Up
Next time you find yourself with postcard in hand, skip the boring “wish you were here” and go for laughs instead. Your friends don’t need another generic message—they need your unique brand of humor brightening their mailbox.
Pick the style that matches your personality and the relationship you have with the recipient. The funnier and more personal, the better! After all, in this age of instant digital messages, taking the time to send a handwritten funny note shows you care enough to make someone smile the old-fashioned way.