So, your coworker got a new job! Yay for them! Boo for you! Now you need to sign that card that’s going around the office. You stare at the blank space next to your name. What should you write? “Good luck”? Bo-ring! “We’ll miss you”? Snooz-a-palooza!
The pressure is on. Your message needs to be funny enough to make them laugh but nice enough that HR won’t give you the stink eye. Don’t panic! I’ve got your back with these hilarious messages that will make you the office comedy king or queen. Trust me, your soon-to-be-ex coworker will keep this card forever just because of your awesome note.
Funny Things to Write in a New Job Card
Looking for the perfect witty message to write in that farewell card? These funny notes will have your coworker laughing all the way to their new desk. Each one is tested and approved by people who know funny stuff.
1. “I’m not crying, I’m just allergic to losing awesome coworkers”
This little gem works because it’s both sweet and silly at the same time. You’re saying they’re awesome while also being a bit dramatic for laughs.
It works best for someone you actually like and will genuinely miss. The fake drama makes people smile, but they’ll still feel good knowing you think they’re awesome. Win-win!
2. “Congrats on your escape! I mean… your new opportunity!”
This funny line jokes that your workplace is like a prison they’re breaking free from. It’s playful without being mean about your company.
Best used when everyone knows your job has tough days, and you can laugh about it together. The quick correction makes it even funnier, like you almost said the quiet part out loud.
3. “Now who’s going to fix the printer when it eats our papers?”
This one points out the special skills they brought to the office that will be missed. It’s a funny way to say they were helpful without being mushy.
Perfect for the office problem-solver who always knew how to handle those little daily crises. You can swap out “fix the printer” for whatever their actual special skill was—like “bring the good snacks” or “laugh at the boss’s jokes.”
4. “Thanks for doing all my work for the past year. The next person has big shoes to fill!”
This joke pretends you’ve been slacking while they did your job. It’s a backward way of saying they were super helpful and hardworking.
Great for a coworker who really was a team player. The joke works because everyone knows it’s not true (hopefully!), but it highlights how much they helped everyone out.
5. “I’ll miss your ability to look busy when the boss walks by. Teach me before you go?”
Here’s a playful jab that says you noticed their expert skill at office politics. It creates a fun “we’re in this together” feeling.
This works best with someone who has a good sense of humor about workplace dynamics. It’s a little cheeky but still work-appropriate as long as you know they’ll take it as the joke it is.
6. “Finally, I can have the last donut in the box! (But seriously, we’ll miss you)”
This joke pretends you’re happy about a silly benefit of them leaving, then quickly adds that you’re actually sad. The contrast makes it funny.
It’s perfect for the office foodie who always beat everyone to the treats. You can change the donut to whatever snack they were known for loving, making it personal and even funnier.
7. “Good luck finding coworkers as amazing as us at your new job!”
With this line, you’re playfully suggesting your team is the best they’ll ever work with. It’s a funny way to say they’ll miss you all.
This message works great in a group card where lots of people will sign. It creates a team spirit while giving them a gentle ribbing about their big move to supposedly “better” things.
8. “I heard the coffee at your new job is terrible. You can always come back!”
This funny note makes up a silly reason why their new job might not be so great after all. It’s a joke way of saying you wish they’d stay.
Best used when you know they love their coffee breaks! It also works with whatever their office “must-have” is—like “I heard they don’t have casual Fridays” or “I heard their vending machine never has chips.”
9. “Don’t forget us little people when you’re big and important!”
This message pretends they’re moving up to be super fancy and might forget all their old pals. It’s a playful way to say “stay in touch.”
Great for someone who’s moving to a job that is actually a step up, but not so serious that the joke falls flat. The touch of fake drama makes it fun without being truly sappy.
10. “Thanks for always laughing at my jokes, even the really bad ones”
Here’s a sweet thank-you wrapped in humor. You’re saying they were kind while also poking fun at your own joke-telling skills.
This works well for a coworker you had a good rapport with. It’s personal and warm without getting too mushy, keeping things light while still being meaningful.
11. “If your new boss is mean, I know a guy who knows a guy…”
This funny message jokingly offers to “take care of” any problems at their new job. It’s silly mobster-speak that nobody takes seriously.
Perfect for someone with a good sense of humor who enjoys playful, slightly edgy jokes. The vague “knows a guy” line is what makes it funny—you’re clearly not actually offering anything shady!
12. “Can I have your stapler? Just kidding, we’re going to miss your face around here!”
Starting with a joke about wanting their office supplies makes the sweet second part even more effective. The contrast creates the humor.
This works great for any coworker, especially if they did have some cool desk stuff everyone coveted. You can replace “stapler” with whatever nice thing they had that you always wanted to borrow.
13. “I’m not saying you were my favorite coworker, but you were definitely in the top 100”
This backhanded compliment is funny because it seems like high praise at first, then you realize it might not be depending on how big the company is. It’s all in the twist.
Use this for someone who knows you’re joking and won’t take it the wrong way. If you work at a small company with only 20 people, that makes it even funnier since they’ll definitely catch the joke.
14. “Now I have to make my own coffee? This is outrageous!”
Pretending that you only valued them for some small task creates the humor here. It’s obviously not true, which makes it funny.
Best for someone who never actually made your coffee! The joke works because it’s so clearly not their job role. You can swap coffee for anything that makes sense for your relationship.
15. “Leaving us was a bold strategy. Let’s see if it pays off for you”
This movie quote twist makes a playful jab at their decision to leave while wishing them success. It has just the right amount of fake snark to be funny.
Great for pop-culture fans who will get the reference. Even if they don’t, the tone still comes across as playful rather than actually questioning their choice to take a new job.
16. “The office won’t be the same without you. It will be quieter, for sure!”
This message starts sweet, then takes a funny turn implying they were the noisy one. The unexpected twist creates the humor.
Perfect for either the chatty coworker who knows they’re talkative or the super quiet person (which makes it ironic). Either way, it acknowledges their unique presence in the office.
17. “We took a vote: you’re not allowed to be funnier than us at your new job”
With this joke, you’re complimenting their sense of humor while pretending the office had an official meeting about their departure. The fake seriousness is what makes it work.
This is great for the office jokester who always had everyone laughing. It acknowledges their role as the funny one while giving them a laugh on their way out.
18. “Good luck explaining your weird lunch habits to your new coworkers!”
This message pokes gentle fun at some harmless quirk they have. It’s personal and shows you paid attention to their little habits.
Works best when they do have some funny food habit everyone knows about—like microwaving fish, eating the same sandwich every day, or always stealing bites of other people’s snacks. Make it specific to them for maximum laughs.
19. “I was going to buy you a going-away gift, but I spent all my money on tissues for crying”
This dramatic exaggeration of how sad you are about them leaving creates humor through absurdity. Nobody believes you actually bought boxes of tissues!
Great for adding to a card when you actually did get them a small gift, or for someone you had a good friendship with. The over-the-top emotion makes it funny rather than truly sad.
20. “Mission accomplished: you got out before they discovered what you did to the copy machine”
This joke creates a funny fictional scenario where they’re escaping just in time. It works because it’s completely made up and absurd.
Best used when there’s absolutely no truth to it! The person should have a good sense of humor and understand you’re making up a silly scenario. It’s funniest for someone who’s actually really responsible and would never damage office equipment.
21. “I’ll miss our lunch breaks, but my wallet won’t”
This playful message hints at all the money you spent going out to lunch together. It mixes a genuine sentiment with a joke about the financial upside of them leaving.
Perfect for that coworker who was always saying “let’s treat ourselves” to fancy lunch spots. The dual message of missing them but not missing the expense makes it relatable and funny.
22. “Congratulations! You’re officially too cool for us now”
Here you’re joking that their new job makes them superior, which is silly because jobs don’t determine coolness. The fake jealousy is what makes it funny.
This works for any coworker moving on, but it’s especially good if they’re going to a company with a “cooler” reputation. The exaggeration lets them know you think they were already cool enough.
23. “Please send help and snacks from the outside world”
This message pretends your workplace is some kind of bunker or prison they’ve escaped from. The addition of asking for snacks keeps it light and silly.
Great for any office environment, but especially funny for workplaces that feel a bit isolated or where people work long hours. The request for snacks instead of actual help is what makes it more funny than sad.
24. “My productivity is about to go way up now that I won’t be distracted by your funny stories”
With this note, you’re complimenting their entertaining personality while pretending it was bad for your work. It’s a backwards way of saying they made the workplace fun.
This works best for the coworker who did share lots of stories or jokes. If you actually were good friends who chatted often, this becomes even funnier because there’s a grain of truth to it.
25. “They say nobody is irreplaceable. Clearly, ‘they’ never met you!”
This sweet message wrapped in humor acknowledges their unique contribution. The setup sounds like it might be harsh, but the punchline turns it into a compliment.
Perfect for someone who truly did have special skills or qualities that will be hard to replace. The contrast between the common saying and your exception for them creates both humor and warmth.
26. “We’re not losing a coworker, we’re gaining a place to crash when we visit your new city!”
This joke pretends their main value now is as a potential free hotel. It’s funny because it’s such a self-serving way to look at their big career move.
Works great if they’re actually moving to a new location, especially if it’s somewhere people might want to visit. The shameless angle of viewing their life change as a perk for you is what creates the humor.
27. “I’d say don’t forget to write, but I know you’ll be texting me all your office gossip”
This message uses old-fashioned “don’t forget to write” language but updates it for modern communication. It assumes your friendship will continue, which is nice.
Best for someone you actually are friends with outside work. The joke about them sharing gossip creates a sense of continued connection and shared humor about workplace dynamics.
28. “The bar has been set high for your replacement: they must bring donuts on their first day”
Here you’re setting a silly standard for whoever takes their position. Food bribes become the measure of success rather than actual job skills.
This works for anyone, but it’s extra funny if the person leaving actually did bring treats often. The joke establishes an easy-to-meet yet completely job-irrelevant standard, which is what makes it humorous.
29. “I’m only saying goodbye because they’re making me sign this card”
This playfully grumpy message pretends you’re being forced to acknowledge their departure. The fake reluctance creates humor.
Great for close work friends where the joke is obvious. The pretend annoyance at having to say goodbye is funny because it’s so clearly the opposite of how you actually feel about them.
30. “Warning: your new coworkers may not appreciate your [inside joke] as much as we did”
This personalized message references something specific about them that was an office joke. By mentioning it, you’re creating one last shared laugh.
Make this super specific to your departing coworker by filling in something everyone teased them about good-naturedly—like their terrible coffee making skills, their collection of cat mugs, or how they always got lost in the parking garage.
Wrapping Up
Writing something funny in a goodbye card shows you care enough to put in effort beyond just signing your name. These messages mix humor with hidden sweetness that will make your coworker feel both amused and appreciated as they head off to new adventures.
So go ahead and pick one of these zingers for that card going around the office. Your coworker will get a good laugh, and you’ll stand out from all the boring “Best wishes!” messages. Who knows? They might even keep in touch just because you were the one who made their goodbye fun!